DATING DO's & DON'T's

Alright I'm starting to date again after a lovely 2 year hiatus... But things are not as fun as one would expect. I'm encountering things that I think are so basic, that every person who is single and looking for a potential mate should know and understand. I mean I know that I have some special circumstances all because I am a single mother. I understand that's going to be an issue...

First off -- Men if you ask a woman on a date... Take her on a date. The first date should NEVER be a movie and a boxed pizza at your place. I understand the economy is bad, but you can not be serious. Telling me its a way to get to know each other in an intimate setting is really not going to work. We're adults... don't ask a woman out if you can't afford the date.

My advice -- There are ways to date someone without spending money. I had a professor who used to say go to Olive Garden and order water. Then chow down on the free breadsticks and salad. Only now a days the restaurant must have gotten hip to that one, since they now offer the all you can eat breadsticks and salad lunch option. Seriously though, you can work out together, take a stroll through a park, go to a concert in the park, or a museum. If you live in Milwaukee you can get in free one time everymonth, schedule your dates around that month and she'll think you're cultured... Hell the zoo even lets you in free once a month. Hey if you park on the street you can avoid paying those high azz parking fees too.

NEXT- Watch your hands... Stop rubbing and touching so much. Its a first date, not a license to feel me up. I should not have to play slap hands with you all night. And no its not a funny joke we're sharing, I'm serious. By the way, if I take longer than 10 minutes in the restroom, there are 2 reasons for it. 1) I'm gone... No stopping no pausing just getting the hell on. 2) I'm setting up my emergency phone call and ditching you the polite way. Also If you are lucky enough to get a kiss leave it at that. Don't push too hard or that first kiss will end up being your last.

My advice -- Allow the woman to set the pace. We know within the first 5 minutes how far we're willing to take things. Trust and believe we will let you know. Still if you push past the limit.. you're done.

WARNING -- Watch flamboyant tendencies.... This one is going to upset a few people, but I really don't effing care. I have no problem with another person's sexual preference unless you're trying to date me. I don't want a downlow brother, nor am I into bisexual men. So if you're in either category keep it moving. Now if you're not in these categories watch your behavior. If a woman doesn't know you... the gay jokes, and gay man demonstrations will be a little too much. I don't know you or your style of joking so I'm taking notes. If you're a little too good at it, I may start to wonder, and then wander off.

My advice -- Only two things if you're a man who dates other men... say that upfront. A woman should be fully informed about who she is spending her time with. Its not fair to keep your lifestyle a secret. Second BE REAL WITH YOURSELF. Stop hiding because of what people may think, stop being a COWARD!!! YEAH I SAID IT SO WHAT!?! Wanna fight about it? I didn't think so.

Finally -- This is just for my single moms and the men who are strong enough to date them. Understand you are NOT my first priority: my child is. Which means my time is valuable. You will FAIL by asking me to ditch my kid. Also don't ask to spend time with my child... First it makes you look like a creepy perv and I will quickly put you on the text block and don't answer lists. Okay maybe I'm jumping the gun... but I'm the protector. I'd rather be safe than sorry. Understand this... you do NOT get that honor of meeting/spending time with my child right off the back. I don't even know if I like you on the first few dates... so what makes you think I'm going to bring you into my child's life. You've got to earn a spot in my heart, in order to even get an introduction to my baby. Also don't tell me you can be a great dad to my kid... GTFOH!!! He has a daddy, we don't need you for that. Plus the first few dates are a LONG WAY off from being a blended family.

LETS KEEP IT REAL,

Tisiphani

Expanding my options

So I've always been told that I am "Extremely Picky" when it comes to dating... And I'll admit I really am. I love men but I'm not willing to date someone who doesn't know God, doesn't respect himself/others, and who isn't responsible enough to take care of himself... Technically that's not asking too much. But when you consider all the people that I turn down its insane.

I actually realized something the other day. I haven't dated outside my race, EVER. Not on purpose but I just haven't. I figured out that it has something to do with what my father used to say... "Make sure when you bring home kids, they're as dark as you and me." Never thought that a statement could have such an impact. He never said it to my brothers just me... over and over again... So maybe it had some psychological effect on me, that I didn't realize until now.

Now all be it I have been attracted to members of other races just never acted on it. Even been asked out a number of times, but still never pursued. But as I was talking with some of my girlfriends the other day, they just asked me... Why not taste a little sugar, or get some caramel in your life? After all many of them are married... more than a few to people who are not black. Even my white girlfriends are with black or hispanic men... Long story short we're sort of a rainbow of couples.

In actuality its really beautiful. So I decided, why not open up my options and see what bites. And just like that my "friend" asks me out. Now its funny cause I've known this guy for a while and he never said a word until now. Could he read the fact that I'm moving outside my comfort zone. I'm not sure but we'll see where this little escapade will lead.

Playing the field,
Tisiphani