31 day redo--- Day 1

On day one of the 31 day redo we're supposed to select a "Reset notebook" That was easy as I am an avid writer. I have journals for days, but this one had to be special so yes I bought a new one just because...

We're also supposed to select a personal mantra for today.... Mine comes from Dr. Suess. Yes Dr. Suess, I actually saw it in a magazine and its perfect. I've been keeping it on my coffee table as a reminder of what I want to do....

31 day redo...

About to start this 31 day redo program... Its another one of those self help deals that is supposed to help you jumpstart your life... and find out the changes you need to make in order to get to your happy place... Or something like that. It's from a life coach I found on twitter @thehappyblackwoman. It seems interesting. I've been getting and reading the assignments for the past month, but haven't started it. Not out of non interest but I needed to know what I was committing to before I started the program. So I'm going to get started tomorrow and will blog the whole experience including the assignments. If you're interested feel free to join in. If anything it should be interesting. Hell I did the 30 letters 30 days challenge and yes people got mad at some of the things I wrote. But I say this to you get over it... This blog is about me BOO!!!! So starting tomorrow Feb. 7, 2011.

Never thought you'd be so petty

Its funny how when people are hurt the level they would stoop to in order to return the favor. Its funny that people who claim to be such good, wholesome, God fearing Christians can be the worst offenders. So upset over something a person did hours, days or even years ago... And you can't let it go. So you lay in wait, hoping for the opportunity to just get revenge. But I ask you what good is this doing? How is this going to better your life in the long run? I hope you thought about what was going to happen after all is said and done. Because I can tell you... its not going to be as sweet as you though it would be. Now that you feel things are even, what do you expect to happen? How did you think this was going to play out?

So now you're even, standing the victorious winner in a circle of one... Hope you're happy...

I'm finding a different path... And I love it!

I'm finding a different path... I'm finding my way. And I love it. I realized what's really important and am going for it with full force. It took some time, and I don't really know why. But I'm starting to find that the "why" is not that important. What's important is the journey and finally the destination.

In finding my way I've discovered a few self truths... What I think of myself is the most important thing... Can I live with myself doing this? Can I live with myself for not doing that? Can I squash the self doubt, when I know I'm doing the right thing?

Of course these questions seem like no brainers, but for a people pleaser and closeted perfectionist like myself... Its really not that easy. I love to make others happy, and prove that I am the great person they think I am. But I'm doing a disservice to my self. Its not fair, and not right. So how do I move past this thing that I've implanted in my brain and move on? I take a journey that involves pleasing me, myself and I. Cause that's really all I've got in the end. To paraphrase Beyonce.

It started off simply by me deciding to go natural. Then when I thought I had a handle on things other people got in my ear. Telling me this was dumb, I look crazy, ghetto, and disheveled. This was hard for me to hear. I'm so used to everyone agreeing with me, and loving what I do. I took it hard. Especially from the people that were near and dear to my heart. Still for some reason I pressed on, even if only to prove to them this was a good idea. Somehow I turned my natural hair journey into something that was about everyone else and not me...

Then I had my son, and really lost myself. Everything I did was about him, for him and with him... Which honestly is not a bad thing. I'm a mother, and single at that. It was supposed to be about my baby. But again what about me... and what I wanted. At this point my dressing wasn't the same, my hair fell to the bottom of my to do list and my nails... HA!!! they had more chips than ever. It was ridiculous. I looked at myself in the mirror one day and didn't recognize who I'd become. I was not longer Tisiphani. I'd become, Tigger's mom... The lady with the 'fro. And my personal favorite.... That one natural chick. I'd lost my IDENTITY... and now its time for me to claim it once again.

Hence finding my way back to me... I'm still natural and I have no reservations about staying this way. I love my hair, and reflect on my reason for kicking the creamy crack. Simply put... BECAUSE I WANTED TO DAMN IT!!!

Now this is going to be an awkward transition after that... But I've found my way back to God. No I never walked away from him, I've always been a Christian although I am still human I fall sometimes. I mess up, I put the fact that I'm a child of God in the back of my mind. Wrong place for it to be. It should always be in the forefront. I need to wear it like a badge of honor. YEAH I FALL, BUT BABY I KNOW HOW TO GET BACK UP AGAIN. I look to the heavens from which cometh my help. Ask for it... and when its in his will I will have it. I trust it and believe it. With more Faith than that of a mustard seed I hold on steadfast to my belief and my GOD! Yet I realized it takes more than that; I need my relationship with God to grow. I need us to be on the same page, I need to feel closer to him, have a deeper connection. So how do I do that? I go back to school. Sunday school that is... Bible study. I seek Him. I run to Him. I chase Him. I yearn for His love.

Now for something a little more... how do I say this... SUPERFICIAL. Yeah I know, another awkward transition. Okay so how do I find my sense of style? How do I look in the mirror and recognize myself. How do I look in the mirror and be comfortable with who I see. Yeah this is about how I dress, do my hair, my nails and how I present myself. But as I journey/experiment until I once again know, I realize its about the inside. Spiritual and physical being. So I change up my eating pattern and start to work out again. (Which is a blessing considering I couldn't walk 9 months ago) I'm feeling a little better, but I'm not there yet. So I said it once and I'll say it again.... I'm finding a different path, I'm finding my way. And I love it.


Tisiphani Once Again

WHO THE HELL CARES!?!?!

So I'm looking at my life over the last year and there have been a lot of hard times... and anyone who knows me can attest to that. My injury, 3 deaths in the family, haters in every facet of my life.

Yet I have come to realize I haven't been dwelling on all the good in my life. Finding myself instead harping on the fact that I still can't dance; strings of bad dates; fighting for a pre-school spot; not getting the accolades that I'm do... Then I realize- WHO THE HELL CARES!?!?!

I have so much good in my life right now that none of the other stuff even starts to matter. Why would I keep dwelling on that? I just moved into a new place, about to buy a home, traveling again and putting my family back together. Out of all the bad there are several silver linings and I haven't been able to enjoy the beautiful forest for all of the trees. When I realized this fact my prayers go from Lord give me strength to endure, offer me patience and give me the tough skin I need to get through... to Thank you God for my quiet strength, my learned patience, my serenity and sanity. THANK YOU.

I no longer ask him to keep my haters quiet and off my back. I thank him for them, and want him to keep them coming and make their chants louder as they help me to remember what my goals are. They keep me focused on what is really important, and remind me that I am doing what's right. If I wasn't they wouldn't have anything to talk about right.

So if you're finding yourself dwelling on the problems and constantly telling God how big your situation is... Change things around, just this once. And tell your situation how big your GOD is.

Try this... got a funeral to attend don't cry for the person in the casket, they're gone. Make yourself cry laughing at all the funny things they did when they were here. Enjoy the family that you haven't seen in years.

Gained a little winter weight... Don't fret. Think about it this way, its the perfect excuse to go out shopping for a few new clothes to fit your new curvier body.

Pimples popping up and making a home on your face. Why not treat yourself to a wonderful facial at the new local hot spa... Hell it could count as a doctor's visit and get you out of work... (Okay maybe not, but it sure sounds like a good idea right?)

Kids just won't leave you with a moments peace... Look at it like this they love you and the time you share. Tomorrow isn't promised so enjoy every minute of it today.

DATING DO's & DON'T's

Alright I'm starting to date again after a lovely 2 year hiatus... But things are not as fun as one would expect. I'm encountering things that I think are so basic, that every person who is single and looking for a potential mate should know and understand. I mean I know that I have some special circumstances all because I am a single mother. I understand that's going to be an issue...

First off -- Men if you ask a woman on a date... Take her on a date. The first date should NEVER be a movie and a boxed pizza at your place. I understand the economy is bad, but you can not be serious. Telling me its a way to get to know each other in an intimate setting is really not going to work. We're adults... don't ask a woman out if you can't afford the date.

My advice -- There are ways to date someone without spending money. I had a professor who used to say go to Olive Garden and order water. Then chow down on the free breadsticks and salad. Only now a days the restaurant must have gotten hip to that one, since they now offer the all you can eat breadsticks and salad lunch option. Seriously though, you can work out together, take a stroll through a park, go to a concert in the park, or a museum. If you live in Milwaukee you can get in free one time everymonth, schedule your dates around that month and she'll think you're cultured... Hell the zoo even lets you in free once a month. Hey if you park on the street you can avoid paying those high azz parking fees too.

NEXT- Watch your hands... Stop rubbing and touching so much. Its a first date, not a license to feel me up. I should not have to play slap hands with you all night. And no its not a funny joke we're sharing, I'm serious. By the way, if I take longer than 10 minutes in the restroom, there are 2 reasons for it. 1) I'm gone... No stopping no pausing just getting the hell on. 2) I'm setting up my emergency phone call and ditching you the polite way. Also If you are lucky enough to get a kiss leave it at that. Don't push too hard or that first kiss will end up being your last.

My advice -- Allow the woman to set the pace. We know within the first 5 minutes how far we're willing to take things. Trust and believe we will let you know. Still if you push past the limit.. you're done.

WARNING -- Watch flamboyant tendencies.... This one is going to upset a few people, but I really don't effing care. I have no problem with another person's sexual preference unless you're trying to date me. I don't want a downlow brother, nor am I into bisexual men. So if you're in either category keep it moving. Now if you're not in these categories watch your behavior. If a woman doesn't know you... the gay jokes, and gay man demonstrations will be a little too much. I don't know you or your style of joking so I'm taking notes. If you're a little too good at it, I may start to wonder, and then wander off.

My advice -- Only two things if you're a man who dates other men... say that upfront. A woman should be fully informed about who she is spending her time with. Its not fair to keep your lifestyle a secret. Second BE REAL WITH YOURSELF. Stop hiding because of what people may think, stop being a COWARD!!! YEAH I SAID IT SO WHAT!?! Wanna fight about it? I didn't think so.

Finally -- This is just for my single moms and the men who are strong enough to date them. Understand you are NOT my first priority: my child is. Which means my time is valuable. You will FAIL by asking me to ditch my kid. Also don't ask to spend time with my child... First it makes you look like a creepy perv and I will quickly put you on the text block and don't answer lists. Okay maybe I'm jumping the gun... but I'm the protector. I'd rather be safe than sorry. Understand this... you do NOT get that honor of meeting/spending time with my child right off the back. I don't even know if I like you on the first few dates... so what makes you think I'm going to bring you into my child's life. You've got to earn a spot in my heart, in order to even get an introduction to my baby. Also don't tell me you can be a great dad to my kid... GTFOH!!! He has a daddy, we don't need you for that. Plus the first few dates are a LONG WAY off from being a blended family.

LETS KEEP IT REAL,

Tisiphani

All over the place...

I'm trying to retrain myself to just work on one thing at a time... Which by the way is not going so well since I am actually supposed to be working and learning a new position. Anyway I digress. I'm retraining my brain to focus on the task at hand and learning how to better organize my life. I have always been just a random, off the cuff, creative free thinker. I am not ashamed of it, in fact I am probably the best multi-tasker you'll meet.

I love just going with the flow of life and doing what my body, mind and spirit tell me to. Is that so wrong, I find that usually I am a lot happier doing that. But I do have some goals that I want to reach in the next few years so the free spirit thing will have to take a back seat for now. While I try to get organized and accomplish what a few are calling damn near impossible... more on that to come. I'm going to start by putting myself on a schedule and working my azz off to follow it. If you really know me... I hate scheduling my life. I know what I have to do and I'm there... but to just follow a fully planned week is going to be hard for me... but I'm starting this week... HERE WE GO... Tell you how this crap goes... No really I'm excited I think I will be able to get a hell of a lot done by really planning out my time... My blackberry may not like all the extra memory I'll be using though... LOL