Keep your advice... I got this!

Continuing on with the "Crazy Baby Momma"....

I started writing a post about the "Crazy Baby Momma" around this time last year. I believe its about that time to revisit the topic. Now that I have another year of being a mommy under my belt. There are so many elements to being a single parent that I think people forget about. I have double the responsibility as a normal married couple. I have to do it all on my own, no one else is going to raise my kid for me.

Now I am writing this blog because I have noticed so many people have been coming to me with their so called advice and its really getting on my last damn nerve. Seriously, I don't want anymore advice on how to deal with my "baby's father" or our "situation"... (that's code for my son by the way)

First things first, don't address our baby as a "Situation" he's not on the Jersey Shore, he's a child... Our child who has a name, refer to him by name. Not; "I know your situation, and I think you should..." BOO BITCH BYE... you've already lost my audience.

Mrs. I'm Married...
Now for those who are married, and decide to tell me what to do to get my "baby daddy" back in my life. I never told you I wanted him back, why are you constantly giving me advice on how to marry or should I say hook my man. There is a reason we're not together, and if I am okay with it... you should be too. I am not you nor can you say our lives are similar... so back the hell up. And while I'm talking to you, get your nose out of the air and stop trying to look down at me. I think you forgot your husband is actually baby daddy number three. Why the hell would I listen to you when it took your ass 3; count them 3 kids to get it right. Oh and no I'm not going to count how many he has outside of your one. How can you judge me or try to advise me. You still trying to get it right.

Ms. My baby daddy is worse than yours...
Okay Ms. "My baby daddy does everything your baby daddy does, but 10 times worse." okay we don't have to compare notes here. We're not friends, you just know that I have a kid and I'm not married so obviously we should be friends. Get the eff out of here. I am not going to sit up with you and baby daddy bash. That's not going to happen. First off he's the father of my child, and in that he deserves respect. So get your old bitter ass on. Just like any time in life, any relationship you have you're going to get upset at a person, things are not going to happen the way you expect them to... but I have a child. A beautiful child, and he comes from that man so how can I ever hate something that helped me to bring such beauty into the world. Call me crazy... but that's how I feel.

Ms. My Baby Daddy is better than yours...
I am so confused, are you bragging to me about your kids father? Are you trying to convince yourself that he's a good daddy and that's why ya'll keep having kids? What is it? All I said is that Tigger's daddy is on his way to pick him up. How that launched into us talking about the xbox he bought the kids last month, or the earrings he bought you last year, oh wow the zoo, ya'll went 3 times last summer as a family... Ummm kay. This conversation always goes down the same path. I am not here to compare who's baby daddy is better. Its not important. Lets just have coffee and discuss the kids, our lives and not go there everytime. But it always does, and then the advice... you have to be the most ignorant of my friends... In fact why the hell are we cool, the advice you give is borderline crazy. Don't ask him for anything, if he wants to help he will. Girl you know your doors and legs should always be open to your baby daddy, his needs come first. I know you're mad at me, cause our conversation always ends with... "You're a dumb ass." For some reason though... I still love your dumb ass, everyone needs that crazy friend willing to fight for no damn reason.

OLD HEADS...
I have to tread carefully here... I love the people we call seasoned...but sometimes there advice is as welcome as a hangnail. Plus depending on their life the advice tends to be on the extremes. The older woman who has been married for 50 plus years and raised all her kids. "Honey men are going to be men. Just wait it out, and he'll come around. If you wait for him he'll see where his bread is buttered, you don't want another man raising your baby." Hahaha I'm not waiting around for anyone. We didn't work, all I want is for him to help out with his child. I doesn't have to be him or live a lonely existence. I will find someone else and move on, with my child in my life. This is not about him or his life, its about mine. I don't have to exist according to his life and his will. My life is my own, it does not move or function in tandem to his.
On the other side of that are the single moms... who did it on their own. They love to say you don't need anything from him, don't ask him for nothing. You don't need child support or anything, do it on your own. If he don't help you he can't tell you shit. That's your baby, he's just a sperm donor... Keep it moving.

I'm going to say this once and for all. There is no handbook for being a single parent. And trust me I've read several, they don't help. I'm playing this by ear and figuring it out on the way. I'm not going to do any thing that could hurt my baby or his father, that's just me. I'm not going to accept every one's advice, just like I'm not going to ignore it all either. All I want is for my son to have a healthy relationship with his daddy, a little help raising him, and respect that is due to a mother. Is that too much to ask for.

I'm a bitch... So what?

So I've come to the realization that I am not as nice as I would think I am. In other words, "I can be a bitch". Yes I said it, but its not a bad thing in certain situations. Its how I show my bitch that allows me to get away with so much.

I used to have a shirt that I wore a lot when I was in college, it read: "Babe In Total Control of Herself. Get it B.I.T.C.H. it was my favorite shirt. I tended to wear it when I just got fed up with people or situations, which means it got a lot of wear. I think that little saying my sum up the way I behave these days. I am in control of myself and I don't allow others to change my intended path or alter my decisions.

When people are trying to take advantage of me or my kindness my bitchiness tends to rear its ugly head. A lot of the times I will display a very nonchalant attitude. What does that mean? I don't show any emotion into whatever you may be trying to say or do. When I do eventually respond to whatever the situation it will be without thought of you or how you feel. My tact has left the building... What can I say, if you've gotten to that point with me its pretty much a done deal, don't try to push the subject any further.

Less often I turn into the crazy black bitch. This is when I get to screaming, tongue snapping, neck twisting and fingers popping. Honestly this is just a bad look and I don't tend to go this route regularly. But there are a few times where this crazy broad will pop out... or pop off rather. Yes I'm educated, and lady like but we all have our breaking points. I usually go this route if I have just been truly wronged, or if you eff with my child. All caution and civil behavior goes out the window. Honestly if you get to this point with me, I must really be emotionally involved in the situation or the relationship. I will cry at the drop of a hat but for me to be outwardly angry takes a lot. I don't know why but I hate to publicly showcase my anger. I hate being referred to as the crazy black lady/bitch. We get a bad wrap already. Plus the women in my village never really showed when they were angry, they always sucked it up and let things go. Unless it was an unavoidable situation to which they used the nonchalant approach.

When I would fly off the handle in my youth it was always my mother, grandmother or god-mother pulling me back and reminding me I was a lady. Ladies especially one who know God, do not act like that... We are slow to anger. Kill those who wrong you with kindness. Still my dad was not a Godly man, he was in the world and would pop off regularly. So I grew up trying to balance my moms goodness with dad's outbursts of crazy. I will tell you it was a great show though. So I have my extremes.