Keep your advice... I got this!

Continuing on with the "Crazy Baby Momma"....

I started writing a post about the "Crazy Baby Momma" around this time last year. I believe its about that time to revisit the topic. Now that I have another year of being a mommy under my belt. There are so many elements to being a single parent that I think people forget about. I have double the responsibility as a normal married couple. I have to do it all on my own, no one else is going to raise my kid for me.

Now I am writing this blog because I have noticed so many people have been coming to me with their so called advice and its really getting on my last damn nerve. Seriously, I don't want anymore advice on how to deal with my "baby's father" or our "situation"... (that's code for my son by the way)

First things first, don't address our baby as a "Situation" he's not on the Jersey Shore, he's a child... Our child who has a name, refer to him by name. Not; "I know your situation, and I think you should..." BOO BITCH BYE... you've already lost my audience.

Mrs. I'm Married...
Now for those who are married, and decide to tell me what to do to get my "baby daddy" back in my life. I never told you I wanted him back, why are you constantly giving me advice on how to marry or should I say hook my man. There is a reason we're not together, and if I am okay with it... you should be too. I am not you nor can you say our lives are similar... so back the hell up. And while I'm talking to you, get your nose out of the air and stop trying to look down at me. I think you forgot your husband is actually baby daddy number three. Why the hell would I listen to you when it took your ass 3; count them 3 kids to get it right. Oh and no I'm not going to count how many he has outside of your one. How can you judge me or try to advise me. You still trying to get it right.

Ms. My baby daddy is worse than yours...
Okay Ms. "My baby daddy does everything your baby daddy does, but 10 times worse." okay we don't have to compare notes here. We're not friends, you just know that I have a kid and I'm not married so obviously we should be friends. Get the eff out of here. I am not going to sit up with you and baby daddy bash. That's not going to happen. First off he's the father of my child, and in that he deserves respect. So get your old bitter ass on. Just like any time in life, any relationship you have you're going to get upset at a person, things are not going to happen the way you expect them to... but I have a child. A beautiful child, and he comes from that man so how can I ever hate something that helped me to bring such beauty into the world. Call me crazy... but that's how I feel.

Ms. My Baby Daddy is better than yours...
I am so confused, are you bragging to me about your kids father? Are you trying to convince yourself that he's a good daddy and that's why ya'll keep having kids? What is it? All I said is that Tigger's daddy is on his way to pick him up. How that launched into us talking about the xbox he bought the kids last month, or the earrings he bought you last year, oh wow the zoo, ya'll went 3 times last summer as a family... Ummm kay. This conversation always goes down the same path. I am not here to compare who's baby daddy is better. Its not important. Lets just have coffee and discuss the kids, our lives and not go there everytime. But it always does, and then the advice... you have to be the most ignorant of my friends... In fact why the hell are we cool, the advice you give is borderline crazy. Don't ask him for anything, if he wants to help he will. Girl you know your doors and legs should always be open to your baby daddy, his needs come first. I know you're mad at me, cause our conversation always ends with... "You're a dumb ass." For some reason though... I still love your dumb ass, everyone needs that crazy friend willing to fight for no damn reason.

OLD HEADS...
I have to tread carefully here... I love the people we call seasoned...but sometimes there advice is as welcome as a hangnail. Plus depending on their life the advice tends to be on the extremes. The older woman who has been married for 50 plus years and raised all her kids. "Honey men are going to be men. Just wait it out, and he'll come around. If you wait for him he'll see where his bread is buttered, you don't want another man raising your baby." Hahaha I'm not waiting around for anyone. We didn't work, all I want is for him to help out with his child. I doesn't have to be him or live a lonely existence. I will find someone else and move on, with my child in my life. This is not about him or his life, its about mine. I don't have to exist according to his life and his will. My life is my own, it does not move or function in tandem to his.
On the other side of that are the single moms... who did it on their own. They love to say you don't need anything from him, don't ask him for nothing. You don't need child support or anything, do it on your own. If he don't help you he can't tell you shit. That's your baby, he's just a sperm donor... Keep it moving.

I'm going to say this once and for all. There is no handbook for being a single parent. And trust me I've read several, they don't help. I'm playing this by ear and figuring it out on the way. I'm not going to do any thing that could hurt my baby or his father, that's just me. I'm not going to accept every one's advice, just like I'm not going to ignore it all either. All I want is for my son to have a healthy relationship with his daddy, a little help raising him, and respect that is due to a mother. Is that too much to ask for.

Day 19... Someone that pesters you good/bad

This one I could go off on a major rant. It wouldn't be hard because I am a Baby's Momma. Honestly before you judge I don't think the term "baby momma" is a bad. Hell if I was married I would still be my baby's Momma so who cares. Instead of repeating myself check out an earlier blog I wrote before I started these letters.

In the Beginning: The Truth about Baby Momma Drama

The Truth about Baby Momma Drama

Its funny before you have children you have all these dreams. About marriage and how you will raise your child together... But this is America and many kids are born to parents who never take that stroll down the aisle. Especially in the African American community. I never thought I would be in that number. I'm smart, college educated, talented, work in a corporate setting and still able to pursue my passion... Alas I am in that number. I find myself wondering how people tend to not like each other after creating something sooo beautiful together. It just doesn't make any sense.

I've heard a lot of men saying that their "my baby momma just wants money that's why she putting me on child support", "she won't let me come over and see my kid" and my all time favorite "my baby momma is jealous of my new girl". All in all these men are trying to give people reason for calling the Mother of their child "CRAZY". These men want to feel justified in disrespecting the mother of their child.

I admit before I had my own child I too thought these statements were true... Women we are emotional creatures and tend to work from the heart... But now I realize its the fact that women start thinking with their heads once they become a mother and that's where the problems start.

Let me address the sayings:

"Babymomma just wants money that's why she putting me on child support"
--Really? My first question is Do you think clothes, food, shelter, doctors, daycare...etc are all free. Its your child too, what makes you think she doesn't need help. Even if she can afford to do it without you... Why should she its your child too?

"She won't let me come over and see my kid"
--This one is easy. Why do you have to be in her house? You don't need to sit in her face just to spend time with your child, take the baby with you. Find something to do on your own. She shouldn't have to hold your hand and walk you through a relationship with your child take some initiative... Take the kid to a museum.
--Then there are the mother's who are keeping themselves or their children safe... If the father is dangerous, abusive or in a dangerous situation, by all means take your kids and get the heck on... I'm not letting ANYONE put my child in harms way.

"My baby momma just jealous of my new girl"
--Now this one is a little more complicated. Since in some cases its true, but realize I said some not all or even most. People tend to use this one as a throw away. See if a woman can't have you she doesn't want anyone else to have you... Not. More than likely you are not God's personal gift to women, and she could probably care less about who's nerves your getting on. In fact she's probably happy you're out of her hair.
--Now some men say this to make things look good to their new girl. If she heard about you were still snooping around your baby momma, trying to be back with her, and still begging her to "GIVE YOU SOME" she would probably leave you too. But hey don't shoot the messenger I'm just being honest.

Don't worry I'll be turning this post around and doing the other side... That will be soooooo interesting TRUST ME!!!