Thursday, September 22, 2011

Is it time?

How do you know when you've spent too much time in one place? I'm trying to find the answer to that very question. I love all the things I'm involved in, but what if its time to move on. I've gotten to the point where I just go through the motions at times, and that's not a good look. I wouldn't say I do things with reckless abandonment or anything like that, but I am not as meticulous as I once was. When I first started working at my new job I had a fire burning in my belly when I woke up in the morning. I was on my shit, when someone tried to challenge me and what I knew I would shut that ass down in a heartbeat. Not to mention jump at the chance to do extra work, and help out my co-workers whenever I was needed. Now I just do what is required of me, what my job description calls for. When people go to challenge me, I say my piece and move the hell on... that is if I acknowledge the fact that they're even speaking. Honestly some shit people say to me or about me don't get my panties in a bunch... never mind getting under my skin. The messed up part about it is I still love my job, I still wake up with a fire burning to learn as much as I can learn about my craft. I still want to move up and do more, but there seems to be a glass ceiling that has popped up out of no where and I can't find the weak spot to break through. I haven't given up... that's not what I do. Yet I will say I'm tired... of fighting... of proving myself... of proving others wrong.
When I dance its much different, I throw myself into it with no regards. I just do it, my body learns a dance and I go to a different place when I start moving. My body positioning and movements are correct but sometimes its like I'm a robot doing what I've been trained to do. I work out issues I'm having and relieve stress I am feeling. By the time I'm done I've removed a day load of crap and can just float through space. Its the most amazing feeling ever!!!
Still in all aspects of my life I've realized something which could prove to be a fatal flaw.... I just don't care if I fit in with the people around me. That could hurt when it comes to networking and getting myself to the next level, but at the same time it could also be my spring board. I can only be me... the person I am 100 percent of the time. So that means I don't force myself on other people or try to get in on the flow of a conversation that I don't think makes sense. I'm polite so I don't just interrupt people, I'm not loud, obnoxious or rude. I'm just Me. Polite, happy go lucky me...

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