Day 20... Someone who broke you heart the hardest

I knew when I wrote these letters I would have a few addressed to the same person, but here we go again. I'm again writing to my ex from Day 7.

Dear **Still not giving out his name**

This is the second time I'm writing you, since for some reason you decided to contact me. I'm not sure if you read the first letter and realized it was about you or if I was really just on your mind.

I loved you once... Hell I was head over heels in love with you. Finally I got over that hurt I felt in my heart and found a way to forgive you. Maybe it was the space, maybe it was the distance, maybe it was time... for all I know it was an act of God. Whatever it was it worked. I was done and even moved on. Then you contacted me and my head began to spin with all sorts of ideas on how we could make a relationship work. Try again for the sake of love. LOVE what am I talking about I'm over you, or so I thought.

This love crap is for the birds. It feels like I could fall in love with you all over again. Maybe its nostalgia... What I do know is that I still have love in my heart for you. I realize that above all we had way more good times than bad. Yes I wrote a list and figured that out. Even tried to doctor it a few times and make the bad outweigh the good but it doesn't and never will. That's probably why it was so hard to let you go the first time. People always say to leave the past in the past, but how can I when you continue to creep back into my life, thoughts and dreams.

Sometimes I wish that you would just leave me alone while at the same time praying that you won't. That's an effed up statement I know but you know me and my honesty. I can't help it sometimes the truth just blurts out even when it hurts me. Out of all my past relationships you're really the only person I can't keep an open friendship with, because I know where it will head... "Straight to your mother's bed." (Kidding that Biggie song just popped in my head.)

Anyway, I can't really say what I want because even I don't know. I just know this whatever will be will be. I have let go... so that I can let God.


Tisiphani