31 Day Reset ... the whole way through this time!!!

Step 1: Day1
"Choose a Reset Notebook"
The first thing to do in the 31 day Reset requires me to pick a notebook that will be dedicated to the excercises over the next 31 days. I try to be an avid journalist and write everyday but with a toddler this has become difficult. So I have plenty of them laying around. But this 31 Day Reset is special so I bought a new one... Plus it was pretty. Step one... CHECK

Step 2: On day 1
"Choose a personal mantra"
Now this process was a little more difficult than the first step. It required me to do a lot of thinking. I went back and forth scouring websites, reading my Bible, checking the Concordance for things that related to me. Then I was tired of it and had errands to run. As I'm on my errand I decided to read a magazine (and pretend the loud toddler scooting around the room wasn't related to me) and that's when I found it. My mantra. The magazine was pretty old and not one that I would normally read. It was Home & Style or something similar to it. The top of the page read "need to know/COOL NEW STUFF". So I want to know okay what the hell do these crazy azz strangers think I need to know? Try these on for size... "toning shoes are hot but toning apparel is hotter." "If celery and black licorice were to hook up and have a baby, they might name her fennel." I could bring my sexy back in 4 weeks if I read "The Official Booty Parlor Mojo Makeover" Yeah I was already about to give up on this magazine and go on searching for my mantra in the Bible when I say a picture of Dr. Suess in the corner of the page...

It read"Instant Inspiration"... this had to be interesting right?

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
-Dr. Seuss

WOW!!! There it is, my mantra. It was from Dr. Seuss, yes the childhood author had just summed up what what I had been researching for days. I'm done looking.

By the way...
"This cat wears a hat-and doesn't care what you think about that!"

Step 3: Day 1
Choose a Theme Song
"I'm Smile" Kirk Franklin
This was an easy choice for me since when I hear this song it seriously brings me to tears every time I hear it. Not of sadness but of joy, like a relief that no matter what is going on in my life God will bring the sunshine.


Added Step 4: Day 1
Choose a key verse
2 Timothy 1:7
7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Health, wealth & spiritual self

So its November 2011... the year is almost done and its time to set some new -- New Years Resolutions. I don't normally do Resolutions per say. I normally do a Fall/Spring reboot of my life and goals. But this year I think I'm going to really jump into the resolutions thing. I want to Reboot my life. Just freaking start over. I know I can't hit rewind jump back into my mom's vagina and do it all again but maybe just try to get the most out of life starting with the here and now. Literally right now. I'm not going to wait until January 1st. The truth is most New Years Resolutions don't last past January 2nd anyway, so I'm going to start right now. I'm talking total reboot. Health, wealth and spiritual self. THAT SOUNDS SO CLICHE... But I really do mean it. Get healthy, work out more, eating right the whole kick and caboodle. Wealth meaning finances, moving up the credit score, savings, college fund all of that. Spiritual self this one is going to be the hardest to do. Because I'm going to need even more discipline. I'm working on a personal relationship with God. Reading and studying the word. I'm not playing here. I've already started but I can go further. I'll keep this online diary of the steps I take as I go along this journey. Its going to be a tough year of self discipline and sacrifice, but I think it will all work out for the best in the long run.

You've been warned.

I have realized something. That people do only what you allow them to do. If they want to break me its too damn bad, cuz already been down and out and I aint going back. Do you know what I have been through? No. Do you know where I came from? No. Do you know who the f**k I am? No. You better ask somebody. Cuz boo I am not the one you thought I was. Ms. Nice Black Lady is no more. So when you ask a question and get a "hell fuck naw" as an answer please don't be surprised. You've been warned.

Here we go again... Dating for Dummies

I'm doing it once again... Jumping feet first into the dating game. Its so different now that I am a mom. I never thought I would be here but low and behold I am. I have to deal with things I once thought were a "non-mf" factor. Time schedules... no more just picking up and running by a cafe for a quick coffee. Everything has to be strategically planned and carefully thought out before I can even attempt to make a move. First to pick a time that will allow me enough time to get off work, primp, find a willing sitter who's hours don't have to be set in stone... and one preferably without a curfew. The whole thing is even more complicated by the fact that I work on the traditional date nights (Friday & Saturday), and have a second job that takes up another 2 nights.
This is comical to me because I find time to hang with friends and family, but some men look at me quite oddly when I say "I can pencil you in for one week from today at 7:30, I will call you the day before to confirm". Maybe its not romantic but I'm a busy gal and things have to be in order otherwise they'll just fall apart.
Then there is the other part of the equation, when do I tell a man that I have a child, and how should it be said... "Hi I'm Tisiphani, a cancer and I come as a ready made family" comes off a bit strong and a little crazy. So when is the proper time? I don't want to be talking wedding plans and say "by the way our ring barer will be my son... I still have to introduce you". I mean there has to be a less awkward way to toss that into conversation on say date 2 maybe 3.
Then there is trying to explain why I have a second job. The real reason is because its my creative outlet and a sort of therapy for me. Some people have yoga or Zumba... I get to glam it up and dance in front of thousands at NBA games. Not too different... okay so maybe it is, but I like it. I don't always want to tell people off the top that I am a professional dancer... First off their mind automatically go in the gutter, I explain I'm not a stripper. Then they get all types of ideas in there head... From thinking I'm going to get them free tickets, all the way to nasty thoughts about how flexible dancers are. (By the way I'm not as flexible as I once was, your girl is getting old.) So this too is a talk I don't look forward to. Plus the first time a guy introduces me as "the dancer I told you about" I usually count him out for a next date.
Then what's up with the constant texting... Have men forgotten how to talk on the phone? I am so sick of the texting conversations that last for the whole day... Why not just pick up the phone and talk to me. I don't want to go back and forth with texts for 6 hours when the whole thing could have been 5 minutes by just talking, seriously. Too much texting and I will say just call me. If you don't and continue texting consider yourself blocked.
Also who pays now a days. Many of my dating girlfriends tell me about how they pick up the tabs on certain dates, just to show they're independant and can pay their own bills. All so a man doesn't think they're desperate or golddigger (whoa did you get a shiver from the word... no me neither). WTF!!! Yeah not me... First few dates I expect a man to be a gentleman. If I asked him out I will be expecting to pay, but I would like for him to offer. I don't really care what it looks like. I like to consider myself a lady and therefore I like to consider my date a gentleman. Is that really too much to ask for? I've been told it is.
I did have an experience where I was just talking to a guy I met we never went out, but he kept talking about gold diggers and women using him for money... So here is how the conversation went...
Guy: Yeah I have a problem with women always expecting me to do things for them... paying bills and stuff. Always want me to buy them stuff. Most women I meet are all about my pockets and how much I make. I'm not working to support these chicks.
Me: Wow... really? That's crazy. What do you do that makes women think you've just got cash for days?
Guy: See you're in my pockets too...
Me: What? Its a normal question you keep talking about women are gold diggers who just want your money... I just want to know what do you do for a living?
Guy: Next you'll be asking How much I make...
Me: Seriously... Just answer the question. What do you do?
Guy: I work at UPS... Loading and unloading. I got benefits and everything.
Me: Oh okay. Well then, you're a baller huh. (Yes I'm a sarcastic ass sometimes)
i just didn't call him anymore... not because he worked at UPS... but because he just kept talking about how he wasn't about to be used anymore. Women were all money grubbers, and I better be ready to spoil him. I was over it. After 2 days of talking on the phone, I called Sprint and said block him.
Ugghhh the fun of trying to get to the first date... LOL

Is it time?

How do you know when you've spent too much time in one place? I'm trying to find the answer to that very question. I love all the things I'm involved in, but what if its time to move on. I've gotten to the point where I just go through the motions at times, and that's not a good look. I wouldn't say I do things with reckless abandonment or anything like that, but I am not as meticulous as I once was. When I first started working at my new job I had a fire burning in my belly when I woke up in the morning. I was on my shit, when someone tried to challenge me and what I knew I would shut that ass down in a heartbeat. Not to mention jump at the chance to do extra work, and help out my co-workers whenever I was needed. Now I just do what is required of me, what my job description calls for. When people go to challenge me, I say my piece and move the hell on... that is if I acknowledge the fact that they're even speaking. Honestly some shit people say to me or about me don't get my panties in a bunch... never mind getting under my skin. The messed up part about it is I still love my job, I still wake up with a fire burning to learn as much as I can learn about my craft. I still want to move up and do more, but there seems to be a glass ceiling that has popped up out of no where and I can't find the weak spot to break through. I haven't given up... that's not what I do. Yet I will say I'm tired... of fighting... of proving myself... of proving others wrong.
When I dance its much different, I throw myself into it with no regards. I just do it, my body learns a dance and I go to a different place when I start moving. My body positioning and movements are correct but sometimes its like I'm a robot doing what I've been trained to do. I work out issues I'm having and relieve stress I am feeling. By the time I'm done I've removed a day load of crap and can just float through space. Its the most amazing feeling ever!!!
Still in all aspects of my life I've realized something which could prove to be a fatal flaw.... I just don't care if I fit in with the people around me. That could hurt when it comes to networking and getting myself to the next level, but at the same time it could also be my spring board. I can only be me... the person I am 100 percent of the time. So that means I don't force myself on other people or try to get in on the flow of a conversation that I don't think makes sense. I'm polite so I don't just interrupt people, I'm not loud, obnoxious or rude. I'm just Me. Polite, happy go lucky me...

Nuisance Neighbor and I'm fighting back!

I was wondering about posting this one but when I really thought about it... Why the hell not?

Recently I had a new neighbor to move into my building and its been crazy ever since. This new neighbor is some type of preacher and while I don't have any problem with the religous beliefs of others, I do have a problem when those beliefs bother me and my child.

Since this new neighbor has moved in he has there has been little to no sleep for me and my child. Every night between midnight and 12:30am he starts screaming and banging on the walls. Last night it was something about "Die evil... Jesus here... DIE DIE DIE." Now to hear that out of a deep sleep is enough to scare the crap out of an adult but picture the little ones hearing that. He woke up the majority of kids on my floor including mine and they all began screaming. This man woke up 8 kids and their parents. I personally called the courtesy officer who then started banging on his door. He refused to answer so the police were called. They hesitated to do anything simply because he said "this is America and I can practice my religion." Which is true... but is it okay when your religion infringes on the rights of others.

At first I felt bad as if I were persecuting someone based on religion... Then I realized what about my freedom. My Rights... life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I can't be happy when me and my kid are terrified out of our sleep every night. I can't have a good quality of life if I can't get any sleep. So what should I do? Live and let live... Move on my own dime... Keep calling the law. Either of those just don't seem fair to me. I can't be the only person this is bothering. Should I ask to be moved? I really like my apartment and don't want to let it go, but I also don't want to mess up my budget by moving when it wasn't in my plans. The whole situation doesn't seem fair. If I rally my neighbors against this one resident I'll feel like a bully, but it seems this will be the only way my apartment will do anything about it. I just don't think its right that I would be forced to move because of a nuisance neighbor thinking we're infringing on his rights...

I'm Back

Here we go again... I'm back to blogging hopefully this will last this time. Ya'll know I like to take random time off from blogging. In other words when life gets stressful I cut out the one thing that relaxes me, writing. Why only because I have to be able to use this time that I'm writing to do something productive. But I'm not on that anymore, I'm actually going to dedicate time to writing... posting... blogging. RELAXING!