Continuing on with the "Crazy Baby Momma"....
I started writing a post about the "Crazy Baby Momma" around this time last year. I believe its about that time to revisit the topic. Now that I have another year of being a mommy under my belt. There are so many elements to being a single parent that I think people forget about. I have double the responsibility as a normal married couple. I have to do it all on my own, no one else is going to raise my kid for me.
Now I am writing this blog because I have noticed so many people have been coming to me with their so called advice and its really getting on my last damn nerve. Seriously, I don't want anymore advice on how to deal with my "baby's father" or our "situation"... (that's code for my son by the way)
First things first, don't address our baby as a "Situation" he's not on the Jersey Shore, he's a child... Our child who has a name, refer to him by name. Not; "I know your situation, and I think you should..." BOO BITCH BYE... you've already lost my audience.
Mrs. I'm Married...
Now for those who are married, and decide to tell me what to do to get my "baby daddy" back in my life. I never told you I wanted him back, why are you constantly giving me advice on how to marry or should I say hook my man. There is a reason we're not together, and if I am okay with it... you should be too. I am not you nor can you say our lives are similar... so back the hell up. And while I'm talking to you, get your nose out of the air and stop trying to look down at me. I think you forgot your husband is actually baby daddy number three. Why the hell would I listen to you when it took your ass 3; count them 3 kids to get it right. Oh and no I'm not going to count how many he has outside of your one. How can you judge me or try to advise me. You still trying to get it right.
Ms. My baby daddy is worse than yours...
Okay Ms. "My baby daddy does everything your baby daddy does, but 10 times worse." okay we don't have to compare notes here. We're not friends, you just know that I have a kid and I'm not married so obviously we should be friends. Get the eff out of here. I am not going to sit up with you and baby daddy bash. That's not going to happen. First off he's the father of my child, and in that he deserves respect. So get your old bitter ass on. Just like any time in life, any relationship you have you're going to get upset at a person, things are not going to happen the way you expect them to... but I have a child. A beautiful child, and he comes from that man so how can I ever hate something that helped me to bring such beauty into the world. Call me crazy... but that's how I feel.
Ms. My Baby Daddy is better than yours...
I am so confused, are you bragging to me about your kids father? Are you trying to convince yourself that he's a good daddy and that's why ya'll keep having kids? What is it? All I said is that Tigger's daddy is on his way to pick him up. How that launched into us talking about the xbox he bought the kids last month, or the earrings he bought you last year, oh wow the zoo, ya'll went 3 times last summer as a family... Ummm kay. This conversation always goes down the same path. I am not here to compare who's baby daddy is better. Its not important. Lets just have coffee and discuss the kids, our lives and not go there everytime. But it always does, and then the advice... you have to be the most ignorant of my friends... In fact why the hell are we cool, the advice you give is borderline crazy. Don't ask him for anything, if he wants to help he will. Girl you know your doors and legs should always be open to your baby daddy, his needs come first. I know you're mad at me, cause our conversation always ends with... "You're a dumb ass." For some reason though... I still love your dumb ass, everyone needs that crazy friend willing to fight for no damn reason.
OLD HEADS...
I have to tread carefully here... I love the people we call seasoned...but sometimes there advice is as welcome as a hangnail. Plus depending on their life the advice tends to be on the extremes. The older woman who has been married for 50 plus years and raised all her kids. "Honey men are going to be men. Just wait it out, and he'll come around. If you wait for him he'll see where his bread is buttered, you don't want another man raising your baby." Hahaha I'm not waiting around for anyone. We didn't work, all I want is for him to help out with his child. I doesn't have to be him or live a lonely existence. I will find someone else and move on, with my child in my life. This is not about him or his life, its about mine. I don't have to exist according to his life and his will. My life is my own, it does not move or function in tandem to his.
On the other side of that are the single moms... who did it on their own. They love to say you don't need anything from him, don't ask him for nothing. You don't need child support or anything, do it on your own. If he don't help you he can't tell you shit. That's your baby, he's just a sperm donor... Keep it moving.
I'm going to say this once and for all. There is no handbook for being a single parent. And trust me I've read several, they don't help. I'm playing this by ear and figuring it out on the way. I'm not going to do any thing that could hurt my baby or his father, that's just me. I'm not going to accept every one's advice, just like I'm not going to ignore it all either. All I want is for my son to have a healthy relationship with his daddy, a little help raising him, and respect that is due to a mother. Is that too much to ask for.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I'm a bitch... So what?
So I've come to the realization that I am not as nice as I would think I am. In other words, "I can be a bitch". Yes I said it, but its not a bad thing in certain situations. Its how I show my bitch that allows me to get away with so much.
I used to have a shirt that I wore a lot when I was in college, it read: "Babe In Total Control of Herself. Get it B.I.T.C.H. it was my favorite shirt. I tended to wear it when I just got fed up with people or situations, which means it got a lot of wear. I think that little saying my sum up the way I behave these days. I am in control of myself and I don't allow others to change my intended path or alter my decisions.
When people are trying to take advantage of me or my kindness my bitchiness tends to rear its ugly head. A lot of the times I will display a very nonchalant attitude. What does that mean? I don't show any emotion into whatever you may be trying to say or do. When I do eventually respond to whatever the situation it will be without thought of you or how you feel. My tact has left the building... What can I say, if you've gotten to that point with me its pretty much a done deal, don't try to push the subject any further.
Less often I turn into the crazy black bitch. This is when I get to screaming, tongue snapping, neck twisting and fingers popping. Honestly this is just a bad look and I don't tend to go this route regularly. But there are a few times where this crazy broad will pop out... or pop off rather. Yes I'm educated, and lady like but we all have our breaking points. I usually go this route if I have just been truly wronged, or if you eff with my child. All caution and civil behavior goes out the window. Honestly if you get to this point with me, I must really be emotionally involved in the situation or the relationship. I will cry at the drop of a hat but for me to be outwardly angry takes a lot. I don't know why but I hate to publicly showcase my anger. I hate being referred to as the crazy black lady/bitch. We get a bad wrap already. Plus the women in my village never really showed when they were angry, they always sucked it up and let things go. Unless it was an unavoidable situation to which they used the nonchalant approach.
When I would fly off the handle in my youth it was always my mother, grandmother or god-mother pulling me back and reminding me I was a lady. Ladies especially one who know God, do not act like that... We are slow to anger. Kill those who wrong you with kindness. Still my dad was not a Godly man, he was in the world and would pop off regularly. So I grew up trying to balance my moms goodness with dad's outbursts of crazy. I will tell you it was a great show though. So I have my extremes.
I used to have a shirt that I wore a lot when I was in college, it read: "Babe In Total Control of Herself. Get it B.I.T.C.H. it was my favorite shirt. I tended to wear it when I just got fed up with people or situations, which means it got a lot of wear. I think that little saying my sum up the way I behave these days. I am in control of myself and I don't allow others to change my intended path or alter my decisions.
When people are trying to take advantage of me or my kindness my bitchiness tends to rear its ugly head. A lot of the times I will display a very nonchalant attitude. What does that mean? I don't show any emotion into whatever you may be trying to say or do. When I do eventually respond to whatever the situation it will be without thought of you or how you feel. My tact has left the building... What can I say, if you've gotten to that point with me its pretty much a done deal, don't try to push the subject any further.
Less often I turn into the crazy black bitch. This is when I get to screaming, tongue snapping, neck twisting and fingers popping. Honestly this is just a bad look and I don't tend to go this route regularly. But there are a few times where this crazy broad will pop out... or pop off rather. Yes I'm educated, and lady like but we all have our breaking points. I usually go this route if I have just been truly wronged, or if you eff with my child. All caution and civil behavior goes out the window. Honestly if you get to this point with me, I must really be emotionally involved in the situation or the relationship. I will cry at the drop of a hat but for me to be outwardly angry takes a lot. I don't know why but I hate to publicly showcase my anger. I hate being referred to as the crazy black lady/bitch. We get a bad wrap already. Plus the women in my village never really showed when they were angry, they always sucked it up and let things go. Unless it was an unavoidable situation to which they used the nonchalant approach.
When I would fly off the handle in my youth it was always my mother, grandmother or god-mother pulling me back and reminding me I was a lady. Ladies especially one who know God, do not act like that... We are slow to anger. Kill those who wrong you with kindness. Still my dad was not a Godly man, he was in the world and would pop off regularly. So I grew up trying to balance my moms goodness with dad's outbursts of crazy. I will tell you it was a great show though. So I have my extremes.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Reset Day 5: My Personal Mission Statement
I Tisiphani value success. Success as a Christian, success as a mother, success as a daughter, sister, friend and person. I love my family, my friends, and appriciate enjoying quality time with them.
During my time on this earth I want to appreciate what God has created. Nature, art, music, dance and food. I will share this appreciation for God's creation with my son. Making sure he develops his own love and appreciation of the same.
Before I die I want to instill my values into my son. When I leave this world I want him to have all the skills and tools neccessare to be a God loving Christian and successful black man.
I value my opinions, and feelings and will give them voice. I will always be true to myself allowing my authenticity to speak for itself. I will continue to stand up for what is right. I will remember who I am and continue to learn about where I come from and pass the lessons on to my son.
As a journalist and writer I must keep my integrity. Continue to report the facts and educate the public.
As an artist I vow to keep nurturing my gifts, through education and performing. I vow to share my gifts and talents with the youth and anyone else who wants to learn.
I will remember that I have been created by God and He make no mistakes.
God did not give me the spirit of fear... SO I WILL FEAR NOT!
During my time on this earth I want to appreciate what God has created. Nature, art, music, dance and food. I will share this appreciation for God's creation with my son. Making sure he develops his own love and appreciation of the same.
Before I die I want to instill my values into my son. When I leave this world I want him to have all the skills and tools neccessare to be a God loving Christian and successful black man.
I value my opinions, and feelings and will give them voice. I will always be true to myself allowing my authenticity to speak for itself. I will continue to stand up for what is right. I will remember who I am and continue to learn about where I come from and pass the lessons on to my son.
As a journalist and writer I must keep my integrity. Continue to report the facts and educate the public.
As an artist I vow to keep nurturing my gifts, through education and performing. I vow to share my gifts and talents with the youth and anyone else who wants to learn.
I will remember that I have been created by God and He make no mistakes.
God did not give me the spirit of fear... SO I WILL FEAR NOT!
Reset Day 4: Envision Your Values in Action
The rest of my Envision Your Values in Action list....
6) Enjoying Life More
Score: 3
--The reason for the score here is I need to learn to enjoyhow to have fun... without the guilt. With my hours at my main gig being so crappy, when I do go out with friends I end up feeling guilty about it. Feeling as though I should be spending that time with my little one.
7) Finding a creative outlet.
Score: 7
--Okay I am a dancer and a choreographer, so technically I get a high score on this one. But I want to do more things to let my creative juices flow. Something with a bit of a challenge. I would like to learn to use my hands more doing things like making jewelry, knitting or crocheting.
8) Spending time with family & friends
Score: 3
--I want to go out and just enjoy life more with my people. Just to enjoy ourselves. Not be so caught up in work that suddenly we look up and we're at another funeral vowing not to only see each other when someone's life ends.
9) Successful Relationship
Score: 1
--Okay so that's really low, but only because I am single. Do I care about not having a man not really but I do want to get married one day. I have to admit being single is kind of fun. I am enjoying time doing what I want to do, and finding ways to improve myself and my life. So when I do get into a relationship, it will be successful since I continue to strive towards being the best me I can be.
10) Buy a home
Score: 6
--I gave myself a high score because I am already working towards this goal.
6) Enjoying Life More
Score: 3
--The reason for the score here is I need to learn to enjoyhow to have fun... without the guilt. With my hours at my main gig being so crappy, when I do go out with friends I end up feeling guilty about it. Feeling as though I should be spending that time with my little one.
7) Finding a creative outlet.
Score: 7
--Okay I am a dancer and a choreographer, so technically I get a high score on this one. But I want to do more things to let my creative juices flow. Something with a bit of a challenge. I would like to learn to use my hands more doing things like making jewelry, knitting or crocheting.
8) Spending time with family & friends
Score: 3
--I want to go out and just enjoy life more with my people. Just to enjoy ourselves. Not be so caught up in work that suddenly we look up and we're at another funeral vowing not to only see each other when someone's life ends.
9) Successful Relationship
Score: 1
--Okay so that's really low, but only because I am single. Do I care about not having a man not really but I do want to get married one day. I have to admit being single is kind of fun. I am enjoying time doing what I want to do, and finding ways to improve myself and my life. So when I do get into a relationship, it will be successful since I continue to strive towards being the best me I can be.
10) Buy a home
Score: 6
--I gave myself a high score because I am already working towards this goal.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Reset Day 4: Envision Your Values in Action
Part 1: Am I currently living out my values?
Rate my Reset 10. Based on how I feel about that particular value in my current life.
Part 2: My values in Action
1) Happily & faithfully serving God
Score: 6
--I feel like my score could be a little lower. I find myself straddling the fence quite often. I go to church and participate in the Mission Circle but I need to do more. Bible study, Sunday School, Christian Education classes. All to help me create a closer relationship to my Lord & Savior.
2) Takis' well being
Score: 7
--I try my hardest to give my baby what he needs and sometimes what he wants. With my current work schedule I can't do some of the basic motherly duties. I need to find a job that will allow me to be home at night. Right now my baby is fine and doing well, I know that my job is taking care of my baby's needs and this is what keeps me going. But what my son really needs is his mommy.
3) Successful in business
Score: 4
--This is going to be a little convuluted. I am successful in the sense that I am working in my choosen field. In a good sized market and making decent money. still my hours have such a negative pull on my feelings about my job that its making me wonder if it is time to switch gears. It seems as though I am stuck in my role and the prospectives for moving up in my current company are few and saved for a certain favored few. (YES I SAID IT) I am tired of working my ass off and doing an exceptional job (because I care about the product I put out) and getting no recognition for it. At this point I MUST move up or MOVE ON. Yes it is just that cut and dry.
4) Financial security
Score: 4
-- I am finally learning to actually save money. Not just for when I want to go on vacation... or splurge on new clothes; I'm saving for a rainy day. I'm saving for Takis' to go to college. I'm saving to just be saving...
5) Living happily & well
Score: 5
--I have a low score... but the bad feeling is actually work related. My life is pretty full, and I love everything I have become involved in. Still I can't enjoy myself the way I want because I am always tired. I get no sleep thanks to my current work schedule. During the day I should be sleeping, but I'm busy living. Spending time with Takis (making up for not being around) or dancing. If I gave up dancing I would honestly just go crazy. I NEED TO DANCE!
6) Enjoy life more
Score: 3
7) Finding more creative outlets
Score: 7
8) Time with family & friends
Score: 3
9)Successful relationship
Score: 1
10) Buy a home
Score: 6
31 Day Reset Day 3 Part 2: Reset 10
From my list of things that are important to me. I had to Choose my top 10 values... That will be known as my reset 10.
RESET Top 10:
1) Happily & Faithfully serving God
2) Takis' well being
3) Being successful in business
4) Financial security
5) Living happily & well
6) Enjoying life more
7) Find more creative outlets
8) Spend more time with family & friends
9) Getting into a successful relationship
10) Buy my first home
RESET Top 10:
1) Happily & Faithfully serving God
2) Takis' well being
3) Being successful in business
4) Financial security
5) Living happily & well
6) Enjoying life more
7) Find more creative outlets
8) Spend more time with family & friends
9) Getting into a successful relationship
10) Buy my first home
31 Day Reset Day 3: Identify Values
What is important to me?
The long list...
Takis and his well being
Takis' happiness
Living happily and well
Creating friendships
Creating more time for family and friends
Better family friendly work hours
Finding a life partner/Husband
Spending more time with Takis
Pampering myself more
Being more creative at home
Buying a home for my family; Takis & myself'
Being successful at work
Teaching others
Becoming a more well rounded Christian
Happily serving God; not straddling the fence
Financial security
Fining more hobbies & sticking with them
Dance more
Play more
Laugh more
Enjoy life more
Smile more
Watch & make Takis LAUGH & SMILE MORE
The long list...
Takis and his well being
Takis' happiness
Living happily and well
Creating friendships
Creating more time for family and friends
Better family friendly work hours
Finding a life partner/Husband
Spending more time with Takis
Pampering myself more
Being more creative at home
Buying a home for my family; Takis & myself'
Being successful at work
Teaching others
Becoming a more well rounded Christian
Happily serving God; not straddling the fence
Financial security
Fining more hobbies & sticking with them
Dance more
Play more
Laugh more
Enjoy life more
Smile more
Watch & make Takis LAUGH & SMILE MORE
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