30 letters, 30 days... Day 12-To someone who caused me a lot of pain

I knew when I started these letters a few of them would be very hard to write and even harder to publish. Still I decided to press on in order to purge myself of any ill feelings and begin a healing process. I am a Christian which means I am supposed to forgive those who have done me harm and turn the other cheek. At the same time I am human and flawed, so please don't judge me. I would prefer you pray for me and ask God to help heal my heart...

To my one time mentor:

I must admit I've been harboring these ill feelings for some time now. I looked to you for advice, guidance, prayer and encouragement. I held you in high regards as a person who would always be in my corner. For years you provided me with just that, but those were the good times. When the chips were stacked up in my favor. I will admit I even gave you some credit as my success seemed eminent... But something changed. When things went south... you went away. Our friendship, partnership and relationship dissipated.
I still to this day don't understand how that was possible, out of everyone involved in the situation I expected you to HAVE MY BACK. Instead you retreated, took my loss and immediately went into CYA mood. How could you leave me standing alone, and holding onto the burden that you could have helped me to bare. I didn't expect much just a firm hand to hold as I battle my way back to the top. Instead I reached out for you and got a door slammed in my face.
I have forgiven you... even told you to your face how upset I was at the time. I also appreciate your apologies. We both made mistakes and are now realizing how those mistakes have affected the other person. So lets work to get past this pain, reconnect and try harder to understand each other. I'm not sure if our mentor/mentee relationship will ever be as strong as it use to be but I still respect you for what you do.

Tisiphani


We all fall... But I know the true key to life is learning to get back up.

30 letters, 30 days... Day 7- To my EX

This letter has been bothering me since I decided to do these 30 letter but I'm going to stick to my guns and write this open letter to you.

Dear ??? (Not putting myself out there like that)

What happened to us? I know its been a while since we've spoken but it took me a long time to get over the hurt. I'm able to move on and learn from it but the truth is I still love you. We had so many good times, and the dynamics between us seemed to be a perfect match. When I was with you the possibility of breaking up never crossed my mind. I thought we would make it through and conquer this world together. Once I met you I didn't think I would have to bare the burdens of this world alone.

You were my lover and my best friend. I could tell you anything, but something went wrong. You left, and skipped out on me. I was so bitter and angry I turned into the Angry Black Bitch so many people talk about. I just couldn't believe after all that we went through you could walk away. I felt if I helped you to accomplish your dreams, once you got there I would be right by your side. I also thought you would in turn help me accomplish mine. After all that's what people in love do... Isn't it? Maybe I had it wrong or read too much into it... But how could that be? We were together for years. Even with all of the anger that passed between us I was willing to give our love another opportunity to grow and flourish... Then you in your anger decided the best way to get over me was to express to the world that you despised me. Why would you do that to me? Of all people, I've never spoken an ill word about you. I defended you to everyone, family, friends, co-workers and anyone else who would and sometimes wouldn't listen. I loved you in every sense of the word.

In truth I got through it... the hurt, the pain and yes I have moved on. I have a beautiful son now who is my ray of sunshine. My blessing from God. I'm doing what I love and having fun. No I don't have a special someone in my life right now, but I know all good things come from God. In time the man for me will arrive. I'm in no rush to be in another relationship, but this dating things has gotten to be kind of fun. I've done something I didn't think I would be able to do again. I've opened myself up for love. I finally realized you didn't take everything I have to offer, you only took a piece of me. You can have it, treasure it... because I don't want it back. I realize that hole that was in my heart had to be filled with a love of self. Yes I have once again found me and damn it I'm the SHIT. Okay so that was a little self centered but its true. I almost forgot how beautiful I could be, I almost forgot that I have so much love to give. I almost kept it to myself, but that's not fair. I need to love and let someone love me.

I just needed to get this off of my chest, but more so I wanted to thank you. For being the man for me at that time in my life. I want to thank you for all the life lessons you taught me during and after our relationship. I know that when I get married (Can you believe I want to get married) I will make someone a great wife. I'm a strong woman who is independent yes... but I'm willing to be a helpmate. This is what I was created to be. Strong enough to hold up my man when he needs it... but also soft enough to allow him to hold me.

Thanks for the lessons,
Tisiphani