Health, wealth & spiritual self

So its November 2011... the year is almost done and its time to set some new -- New Years Resolutions. I don't normally do Resolutions per say. I normally do a Fall/Spring reboot of my life and goals. But this year I think I'm going to really jump into the resolutions thing. I want to Reboot my life. Just freaking start over. I know I can't hit rewind jump back into my mom's vagina and do it all again but maybe just try to get the most out of life starting with the here and now. Literally right now. I'm not going to wait until January 1st. The truth is most New Years Resolutions don't last past January 2nd anyway, so I'm going to start right now. I'm talking total reboot. Health, wealth and spiritual self. THAT SOUNDS SO CLICHE... But I really do mean it. Get healthy, work out more, eating right the whole kick and caboodle. Wealth meaning finances, moving up the credit score, savings, college fund all of that. Spiritual self this one is going to be the hardest to do. Because I'm going to need even more discipline. I'm working on a personal relationship with God. Reading and studying the word. I'm not playing here. I've already started but I can go further. I'll keep this online diary of the steps I take as I go along this journey. Its going to be a tough year of self discipline and sacrifice, but I think it will all work out for the best in the long run.

You've been warned.

I have realized something. That people do only what you allow them to do. If they want to break me its too damn bad, cuz already been down and out and I aint going back. Do you know what I have been through? No. Do you know where I came from? No. Do you know who the f**k I am? No. You better ask somebody. Cuz boo I am not the one you thought I was. Ms. Nice Black Lady is no more. So when you ask a question and get a "hell fuck naw" as an answer please don't be surprised. You've been warned.

Here we go again... Dating for Dummies

I'm doing it once again... Jumping feet first into the dating game. Its so different now that I am a mom. I never thought I would be here but low and behold I am. I have to deal with things I once thought were a "non-mf" factor. Time schedules... no more just picking up and running by a cafe for a quick coffee. Everything has to be strategically planned and carefully thought out before I can even attempt to make a move. First to pick a time that will allow me enough time to get off work, primp, find a willing sitter who's hours don't have to be set in stone... and one preferably without a curfew. The whole thing is even more complicated by the fact that I work on the traditional date nights (Friday & Saturday), and have a second job that takes up another 2 nights.
This is comical to me because I find time to hang with friends and family, but some men look at me quite oddly when I say "I can pencil you in for one week from today at 7:30, I will call you the day before to confirm". Maybe its not romantic but I'm a busy gal and things have to be in order otherwise they'll just fall apart.
Then there is the other part of the equation, when do I tell a man that I have a child, and how should it be said... "Hi I'm Tisiphani, a cancer and I come as a ready made family" comes off a bit strong and a little crazy. So when is the proper time? I don't want to be talking wedding plans and say "by the way our ring barer will be my son... I still have to introduce you". I mean there has to be a less awkward way to toss that into conversation on say date 2 maybe 3.
Then there is trying to explain why I have a second job. The real reason is because its my creative outlet and a sort of therapy for me. Some people have yoga or Zumba... I get to glam it up and dance in front of thousands at NBA games. Not too different... okay so maybe it is, but I like it. I don't always want to tell people off the top that I am a professional dancer... First off their mind automatically go in the gutter, I explain I'm not a stripper. Then they get all types of ideas in there head... From thinking I'm going to get them free tickets, all the way to nasty thoughts about how flexible dancers are. (By the way I'm not as flexible as I once was, your girl is getting old.) So this too is a talk I don't look forward to. Plus the first time a guy introduces me as "the dancer I told you about" I usually count him out for a next date.
Then what's up with the constant texting... Have men forgotten how to talk on the phone? I am so sick of the texting conversations that last for the whole day... Why not just pick up the phone and talk to me. I don't want to go back and forth with texts for 6 hours when the whole thing could have been 5 minutes by just talking, seriously. Too much texting and I will say just call me. If you don't and continue texting consider yourself blocked.
Also who pays now a days. Many of my dating girlfriends tell me about how they pick up the tabs on certain dates, just to show they're independant and can pay their own bills. All so a man doesn't think they're desperate or golddigger (whoa did you get a shiver from the word... no me neither). WTF!!! Yeah not me... First few dates I expect a man to be a gentleman. If I asked him out I will be expecting to pay, but I would like for him to offer. I don't really care what it looks like. I like to consider myself a lady and therefore I like to consider my date a gentleman. Is that really too much to ask for? I've been told it is.
I did have an experience where I was just talking to a guy I met we never went out, but he kept talking about gold diggers and women using him for money... So here is how the conversation went...
Guy: Yeah I have a problem with women always expecting me to do things for them... paying bills and stuff. Always want me to buy them stuff. Most women I meet are all about my pockets and how much I make. I'm not working to support these chicks.
Me: Wow... really? That's crazy. What do you do that makes women think you've just got cash for days?
Guy: See you're in my pockets too...
Me: What? Its a normal question you keep talking about women are gold diggers who just want your money... I just want to know what do you do for a living?
Guy: Next you'll be asking How much I make...
Me: Seriously... Just answer the question. What do you do?
Guy: I work at UPS... Loading and unloading. I got benefits and everything.
Me: Oh okay. Well then, you're a baller huh. (Yes I'm a sarcastic ass sometimes)
i just didn't call him anymore... not because he worked at UPS... but because he just kept talking about how he wasn't about to be used anymore. Women were all money grubbers, and I better be ready to spoil him. I was over it. After 2 days of talking on the phone, I called Sprint and said block him.
Ugghhh the fun of trying to get to the first date... LOL

Is it time?

How do you know when you've spent too much time in one place? I'm trying to find the answer to that very question. I love all the things I'm involved in, but what if its time to move on. I've gotten to the point where I just go through the motions at times, and that's not a good look. I wouldn't say I do things with reckless abandonment or anything like that, but I am not as meticulous as I once was. When I first started working at my new job I had a fire burning in my belly when I woke up in the morning. I was on my shit, when someone tried to challenge me and what I knew I would shut that ass down in a heartbeat. Not to mention jump at the chance to do extra work, and help out my co-workers whenever I was needed. Now I just do what is required of me, what my job description calls for. When people go to challenge me, I say my piece and move the hell on... that is if I acknowledge the fact that they're even speaking. Honestly some shit people say to me or about me don't get my panties in a bunch... never mind getting under my skin. The messed up part about it is I still love my job, I still wake up with a fire burning to learn as much as I can learn about my craft. I still want to move up and do more, but there seems to be a glass ceiling that has popped up out of no where and I can't find the weak spot to break through. I haven't given up... that's not what I do. Yet I will say I'm tired... of fighting... of proving myself... of proving others wrong.
When I dance its much different, I throw myself into it with no regards. I just do it, my body learns a dance and I go to a different place when I start moving. My body positioning and movements are correct but sometimes its like I'm a robot doing what I've been trained to do. I work out issues I'm having and relieve stress I am feeling. By the time I'm done I've removed a day load of crap and can just float through space. Its the most amazing feeling ever!!!
Still in all aspects of my life I've realized something which could prove to be a fatal flaw.... I just don't care if I fit in with the people around me. That could hurt when it comes to networking and getting myself to the next level, but at the same time it could also be my spring board. I can only be me... the person I am 100 percent of the time. So that means I don't force myself on other people or try to get in on the flow of a conversation that I don't think makes sense. I'm polite so I don't just interrupt people, I'm not loud, obnoxious or rude. I'm just Me. Polite, happy go lucky me...

Nuisance Neighbor and I'm fighting back!

I was wondering about posting this one but when I really thought about it... Why the hell not?

Recently I had a new neighbor to move into my building and its been crazy ever since. This new neighbor is some type of preacher and while I don't have any problem with the religous beliefs of others, I do have a problem when those beliefs bother me and my child.

Since this new neighbor has moved in he has there has been little to no sleep for me and my child. Every night between midnight and 12:30am he starts screaming and banging on the walls. Last night it was something about "Die evil... Jesus here... DIE DIE DIE." Now to hear that out of a deep sleep is enough to scare the crap out of an adult but picture the little ones hearing that. He woke up the majority of kids on my floor including mine and they all began screaming. This man woke up 8 kids and their parents. I personally called the courtesy officer who then started banging on his door. He refused to answer so the police were called. They hesitated to do anything simply because he said "this is America and I can practice my religion." Which is true... but is it okay when your religion infringes on the rights of others.

At first I felt bad as if I were persecuting someone based on religion... Then I realized what about my freedom. My Rights... life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I can't be happy when me and my kid are terrified out of our sleep every night. I can't have a good quality of life if I can't get any sleep. So what should I do? Live and let live... Move on my own dime... Keep calling the law. Either of those just don't seem fair to me. I can't be the only person this is bothering. Should I ask to be moved? I really like my apartment and don't want to let it go, but I also don't want to mess up my budget by moving when it wasn't in my plans. The whole situation doesn't seem fair. If I rally my neighbors against this one resident I'll feel like a bully, but it seems this will be the only way my apartment will do anything about it. I just don't think its right that I would be forced to move because of a nuisance neighbor thinking we're infringing on his rights...

I'm Back

Here we go again... I'm back to blogging hopefully this will last this time. Ya'll know I like to take random time off from blogging. In other words when life gets stressful I cut out the one thing that relaxes me, writing. Why only because I have to be able to use this time that I'm writing to do something productive. But I'm not on that anymore, I'm actually going to dedicate time to writing... posting... blogging. RELAXING!

Keep your advice... I got this!

Continuing on with the "Crazy Baby Momma"....

I started writing a post about the "Crazy Baby Momma" around this time last year. I believe its about that time to revisit the topic. Now that I have another year of being a mommy under my belt. There are so many elements to being a single parent that I think people forget about. I have double the responsibility as a normal married couple. I have to do it all on my own, no one else is going to raise my kid for me.

Now I am writing this blog because I have noticed so many people have been coming to me with their so called advice and its really getting on my last damn nerve. Seriously, I don't want anymore advice on how to deal with my "baby's father" or our "situation"... (that's code for my son by the way)

First things first, don't address our baby as a "Situation" he's not on the Jersey Shore, he's a child... Our child who has a name, refer to him by name. Not; "I know your situation, and I think you should..." BOO BITCH BYE... you've already lost my audience.

Mrs. I'm Married...
Now for those who are married, and decide to tell me what to do to get my "baby daddy" back in my life. I never told you I wanted him back, why are you constantly giving me advice on how to marry or should I say hook my man. There is a reason we're not together, and if I am okay with it... you should be too. I am not you nor can you say our lives are similar... so back the hell up. And while I'm talking to you, get your nose out of the air and stop trying to look down at me. I think you forgot your husband is actually baby daddy number three. Why the hell would I listen to you when it took your ass 3; count them 3 kids to get it right. Oh and no I'm not going to count how many he has outside of your one. How can you judge me or try to advise me. You still trying to get it right.

Ms. My baby daddy is worse than yours...
Okay Ms. "My baby daddy does everything your baby daddy does, but 10 times worse." okay we don't have to compare notes here. We're not friends, you just know that I have a kid and I'm not married so obviously we should be friends. Get the eff out of here. I am not going to sit up with you and baby daddy bash. That's not going to happen. First off he's the father of my child, and in that he deserves respect. So get your old bitter ass on. Just like any time in life, any relationship you have you're going to get upset at a person, things are not going to happen the way you expect them to... but I have a child. A beautiful child, and he comes from that man so how can I ever hate something that helped me to bring such beauty into the world. Call me crazy... but that's how I feel.

Ms. My Baby Daddy is better than yours...
I am so confused, are you bragging to me about your kids father? Are you trying to convince yourself that he's a good daddy and that's why ya'll keep having kids? What is it? All I said is that Tigger's daddy is on his way to pick him up. How that launched into us talking about the xbox he bought the kids last month, or the earrings he bought you last year, oh wow the zoo, ya'll went 3 times last summer as a family... Ummm kay. This conversation always goes down the same path. I am not here to compare who's baby daddy is better. Its not important. Lets just have coffee and discuss the kids, our lives and not go there everytime. But it always does, and then the advice... you have to be the most ignorant of my friends... In fact why the hell are we cool, the advice you give is borderline crazy. Don't ask him for anything, if he wants to help he will. Girl you know your doors and legs should always be open to your baby daddy, his needs come first. I know you're mad at me, cause our conversation always ends with... "You're a dumb ass." For some reason though... I still love your dumb ass, everyone needs that crazy friend willing to fight for no damn reason.

OLD HEADS...
I have to tread carefully here... I love the people we call seasoned...but sometimes there advice is as welcome as a hangnail. Plus depending on their life the advice tends to be on the extremes. The older woman who has been married for 50 plus years and raised all her kids. "Honey men are going to be men. Just wait it out, and he'll come around. If you wait for him he'll see where his bread is buttered, you don't want another man raising your baby." Hahaha I'm not waiting around for anyone. We didn't work, all I want is for him to help out with his child. I doesn't have to be him or live a lonely existence. I will find someone else and move on, with my child in my life. This is not about him or his life, its about mine. I don't have to exist according to his life and his will. My life is my own, it does not move or function in tandem to his.
On the other side of that are the single moms... who did it on their own. They love to say you don't need anything from him, don't ask him for nothing. You don't need child support or anything, do it on your own. If he don't help you he can't tell you shit. That's your baby, he's just a sperm donor... Keep it moving.

I'm going to say this once and for all. There is no handbook for being a single parent. And trust me I've read several, they don't help. I'm playing this by ear and figuring it out on the way. I'm not going to do any thing that could hurt my baby or his father, that's just me. I'm not going to accept every one's advice, just like I'm not going to ignore it all either. All I want is for my son to have a healthy relationship with his daddy, a little help raising him, and respect that is due to a mother. Is that too much to ask for.

I'm a bitch... So what?

So I've come to the realization that I am not as nice as I would think I am. In other words, "I can be a bitch". Yes I said it, but its not a bad thing in certain situations. Its how I show my bitch that allows me to get away with so much.

I used to have a shirt that I wore a lot when I was in college, it read: "Babe In Total Control of Herself. Get it B.I.T.C.H. it was my favorite shirt. I tended to wear it when I just got fed up with people or situations, which means it got a lot of wear. I think that little saying my sum up the way I behave these days. I am in control of myself and I don't allow others to change my intended path or alter my decisions.

When people are trying to take advantage of me or my kindness my bitchiness tends to rear its ugly head. A lot of the times I will display a very nonchalant attitude. What does that mean? I don't show any emotion into whatever you may be trying to say or do. When I do eventually respond to whatever the situation it will be without thought of you or how you feel. My tact has left the building... What can I say, if you've gotten to that point with me its pretty much a done deal, don't try to push the subject any further.

Less often I turn into the crazy black bitch. This is when I get to screaming, tongue snapping, neck twisting and fingers popping. Honestly this is just a bad look and I don't tend to go this route regularly. But there are a few times where this crazy broad will pop out... or pop off rather. Yes I'm educated, and lady like but we all have our breaking points. I usually go this route if I have just been truly wronged, or if you eff with my child. All caution and civil behavior goes out the window. Honestly if you get to this point with me, I must really be emotionally involved in the situation or the relationship. I will cry at the drop of a hat but for me to be outwardly angry takes a lot. I don't know why but I hate to publicly showcase my anger. I hate being referred to as the crazy black lady/bitch. We get a bad wrap already. Plus the women in my village never really showed when they were angry, they always sucked it up and let things go. Unless it was an unavoidable situation to which they used the nonchalant approach.

When I would fly off the handle in my youth it was always my mother, grandmother or god-mother pulling me back and reminding me I was a lady. Ladies especially one who know God, do not act like that... We are slow to anger. Kill those who wrong you with kindness. Still my dad was not a Godly man, he was in the world and would pop off regularly. So I grew up trying to balance my moms goodness with dad's outbursts of crazy. I will tell you it was a great show though. So I have my extremes.

Reset Day 5: My Personal Mission Statement

I Tisiphani value success. Success as a Christian, success as a mother, success as a daughter, sister, friend and person. I love my family, my friends, and appriciate enjoying quality time with them.

During my time on this earth I want to appreciate what God has created. Nature, art, music, dance and food. I will share this appreciation for God's creation with my son. Making sure he develops his own love and appreciation of the same.

Before I die I want to instill my values into my son. When I leave this world I want him to have all the skills and tools neccessare to be a God loving Christian and successful black man.

I value my opinions, and feelings and will give them voice. I will always be true to myself allowing my authenticity to speak for itself. I will continue to stand up for what is right. I will remember who I am and continue to learn about where I come from and pass the lessons on to my son.

As a journalist and writer I must keep my integrity. Continue to report the facts and educate the public.

As an artist I vow to keep nurturing my gifts, through education and performing. I vow to share my gifts and talents with the youth and anyone else who wants to learn.
I will remember that I have been created by God and He make no mistakes.

God did not give me the spirit of fear... SO I WILL FEAR NOT!

Reset Day 4: Envision Your Values in Action

The rest of my Envision Your Values in Action list....

6) Enjoying Life More
Score: 3
--The reason for the score here is I need to learn to enjoyhow to have fun... without the guilt. With my hours at my main gig being so crappy, when I do go out with friends I end up feeling guilty about it. Feeling as though I should be spending that time with my little one.

7) Finding a creative outlet.
Score: 7
--Okay I am a dancer and a choreographer, so technically I get a high score on this one. But I want to do more things to let my creative juices flow. Something with a bit of a challenge. I would like to learn to use my hands more doing things like making jewelry, knitting or crocheting.

8) Spending time with family & friends
Score: 3
--I want to go out and just enjoy life more with my people. Just to enjoy ourselves. Not be so caught up in work that suddenly we look up and we're at another funeral vowing not to only see each other when someone's life ends.

9) Successful Relationship
Score: 1
--Okay so that's really low, but only because I am single. Do I care about not having a man not really but I do want to get married one day. I have to admit being single is kind of fun. I am enjoying time doing what I want to do, and finding ways to improve myself and my life. So when I do get into a relationship, it will be successful since I continue to strive towards being the best me I can be.

10) Buy a home
Score: 6
--I gave myself a high score because I am already working towards this goal.

Reset Day 4: Envision Your Values in Action

Part 1: Am I currently living out my values?

Rate my Reset 10. Based on how I feel about that particular value in my current life.

Part 2: My values in Action

1) Happily & faithfully serving God

Score: 6

--I feel like my score could be a little lower. I find myself straddling the fence quite often. I go to church and participate in the Mission Circle but I need to do more. Bible study, Sunday School, Christian Education classes. All to help me create a closer relationship to my Lord & Savior.

2) Takis' well being

Score: 7

--I try my hardest to give my baby what he needs and sometimes what he wants. With my current work schedule I can't do some of the basic motherly duties. I need to find a job that will allow me to be home at night. Right now my baby is fine and doing well, I know that my job is taking care of my baby's needs and this is what keeps me going. But what my son really needs is his mommy.

3) Successful in business

Score: 4

--This is going to be a little convuluted. I am successful in the sense that I am working in my choosen field. In a good sized market and making decent money. still my hours have such a negative pull on my feelings about my job that its making me wonder if it is time to switch gears. It seems as though I am stuck in my role and the prospectives for moving up in my current company are few and saved for a certain favored few. (YES I SAID IT) I am tired of working my ass off and doing an exceptional job (because I care about the product I put out) and getting no recognition for it. At this point I MUST move up or MOVE ON. Yes it is just that cut and dry.

4) Financial security

Score: 4

-- I am finally learning to actually save money. Not just for when I want to go on vacation... or splurge on new clothes; I'm saving for a rainy day. I'm saving for Takis' to go to college. I'm saving to just be saving...

5) Living happily & well

Score: 5

--I have a low score... but the bad feeling is actually work related. My life is pretty full, and I love everything I have become involved in. Still I can't enjoy myself the way I want because I am always tired. I get no sleep thanks to my current work schedule. During the day I should be sleeping, but I'm busy living. Spending time with Takis (making up for not being around) or dancing. If I gave up dancing I would honestly just go crazy. I NEED TO DANCE!

6) Enjoy life more

Score: 3

7) Finding more creative outlets

Score: 7

8) Time with family & friends

Score: 3

9)Successful relationship

Score: 1

10) Buy a home

Score: 6

31 Day Reset Day 3 Part 2: Reset 10

From my list of things that are important to me. I had to Choose my top 10 values... That will be known as my reset 10.

RESET Top 10:
1) Happily & Faithfully serving God
2) Takis' well being
3) Being successful in business
4) Financial security
5) Living happily & well
6) Enjoying life more
7) Find more creative outlets
8) Spend more time with family & friends
9) Getting into a successful relationship
10) Buy my first home

31 Day Reset Day 3: Identify Values

What is important to me?
The long list...

Takis and his well being
Takis' happiness
Living happily and well
Creating friendships
Creating more time for family and friends
Better family friendly work hours
Finding a life partner/Husband
Spending more time with Takis
Pampering myself more
Being more creative at home
Buying a home for my family; Takis & myself'
Being successful at work
Teaching others
Becoming a more well rounded Christian
Happily serving God; not straddling the fence
Financial security
Fining more hobbies & sticking with them
Dance more
Play more
Laugh more
Enjoy life more
Smile more
Watch & make Takis LAUGH & SMILE MORE

31 Day Reset Day 2: Life Assessment

Life Assesment: Loves & Hate

Lifestyle:

What do I love?

--I love being involved in several activities.

What do I hate?

--Not being able to say no when I get overwhelmed.

Work:

What do I love?

--The creativity & writing

What do I hate?

--The hours

Education:

What do I love?

--Having my BA in Journalism

What do I hate?

--That I have yet to get my master's Degree

Finances:

What do I love?

--Being able to take care of and support my family on my own.

What do I hate?

--Not being able to splurge and take more vacations

Health:

What do I love?

--Being in shape & keeping up with a healthy diet

What do I hate?

--Smoking (I did quit, but its still a struggle.)

Family:

What do I love?

--Being close to my loved ones

What do I hate?

--The fact that some will try to take advantage of me.

Relationships:

What do I love?

--Feeling connected to someone on a emotional, spiritual and sometimes physical level

What do I hate?

--The dissappointment and pain that

Ms. Independent... And the Preachers who hate on her.

Dear Pastors & Preachers:

Like most women who do it all, I'm proud of the fact that I can do it all by myself without any relevant help from a man. But I keep hearing all these pastors, and preachers telling me to take a step back. "Do it God's way and things will be so much better." To which I usually start tuning out or rolling my eyes. This of course is noticed by said preacher and they begin to tell me all the way I was trying to take the pants away from God's chosen leader. Really GTFOH... Excuse my language Lord. But really. I'm trying to take the pants away from the chosen leader of the family. Oh I need to repent, sit down and take my rightful place as a woman.

First off let me say, I am a single mother... If I don't take care of my son, who will? Understand!!! See I am so tired of these so called spiritual leaders not taking into account the men who are there, then when times get a little hard they bail. Leaving the women/ mothers to carry the burden. Seriously speaking I never said I didn't want a man in my life, being the head of the household... But when the only male in the house is under legal age.... MOM NEEDS TO LEAD THAT HOUSE. Seriously, what is a woman supposed to do, sit back and wait for Superman to swoop down out of the sky and fulfill all our wishes. Maybe one day that will happen, and I will have a husband who will run the house and I can take my rightful role as a helpmate.

Until then I will continue to work and support my son. Continue to claim head of household on my taxes, continue to raise my baby as I see fit. I will not allow some man who is not "putting a ring on it" run a house in which I am truly the head of household. I'm not going to let a man come in my house and try to tell me how to cook, clean, pay the bills, and raise my son while he sits around all day playing xbox, watching tv, or hanging with his brothers/boys. That's not a man, and I honestly don't believe that is what God meant by telling me to be a helpmate. If I am wrong God will make it clear to me. Until he lets me know its time to take a step back... I will continue to push forward.

So for all you preachers telling single women like myself to take a step back and wait on a man: I have a proposal for you how about you take care of us single women, mothers and our children until this man comes around. You can pay the bills. You can buy the groceries. You can pay for basketball, swimming, music lessons and the equipment for all of them. You can make sure school supplies, clothes and shoes are paid for. That way we'll be able to sit around and wait for this superman to show up, don't worry since you're taking care of the household, we'll be able to cook, clean and be pretty all day.


Sincerely,

A Single and Independent Mom

31 Day Reset Day 1: Choose a Mantra

Okay so I was supposed to start this a couple days ago, I started yesterday but didn't post it. So you will be seeing 2 days today.

Step 1: Day1
"Choose a Reset Notebook"
The first thing to do in the 31 day Reset requires me to pick a notebook that will be dedicated to the excercises over the next 31 days. I try to be an avid journalist and write everyday but with a toddler this has become difficult. So I have plenty of them laying around. But this 31 Day Reset is special so I bought a new one... Plus it was pretty. Step one... CHECK

Step 2: On day 1
"Choose a personal mantra"
Now this process was a little more difficult than the first step. It required me to do a lot of thinking. I went back and forth scouring websites, reading my Bible, checking the Concordance for things that related to me. Then I was tired of it and had errands to run. As I'm on my errand I decided to read a magazine (and pretend the loud toddler scooting around the room wasn't related to me) and that's when I found it. My mantra. The magazine was pretty old and not one that I would normally read. It was Home & Style or something similar to it. The top of the page read "need to know/COOL NEW STUFF". So I want to know okay what the hell do these crazy azz strangers think I need to know? Try these on for size... "toning shoes are hot but toning apparel is hotter." "If celery and black licorice were to hook up and have a baby, they might name her fennel." I could bring my sexy back in 4 weeks if I read "The Official Booty Parlor Mojo Makeover" Yeah I was already about to give up on this magazine and go on searching for my mantra in the Bible when I say a picture of Dr. Suess in the corner of the page...

It read"Instant Inspiration"... this had to be interesting right?

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
-Dr. Seuss

WOW!!! There it is, my mantra. It was from Dr. Seuss, yes the childhood author had just summed up what what I had been researching for days. I'm done looking.

By the way...
"This cat wears a hat-and doesn't care what you think about that!"

31 day redo--- Day 1

On day one of the 31 day redo we're supposed to select a "Reset notebook" That was easy as I am an avid writer. I have journals for days, but this one had to be special so yes I bought a new one just because...

We're also supposed to select a personal mantra for today.... Mine comes from Dr. Suess. Yes Dr. Suess, I actually saw it in a magazine and its perfect. I've been keeping it on my coffee table as a reminder of what I want to do....

31 day redo...

About to start this 31 day redo program... Its another one of those self help deals that is supposed to help you jumpstart your life... and find out the changes you need to make in order to get to your happy place... Or something like that. It's from a life coach I found on twitter @thehappyblackwoman. It seems interesting. I've been getting and reading the assignments for the past month, but haven't started it. Not out of non interest but I needed to know what I was committing to before I started the program. So I'm going to get started tomorrow and will blog the whole experience including the assignments. If you're interested feel free to join in. If anything it should be interesting. Hell I did the 30 letters 30 days challenge and yes people got mad at some of the things I wrote. But I say this to you get over it... This blog is about me BOO!!!! So starting tomorrow Feb. 7, 2011.

Never thought you'd be so petty

Its funny how when people are hurt the level they would stoop to in order to return the favor. Its funny that people who claim to be such good, wholesome, God fearing Christians can be the worst offenders. So upset over something a person did hours, days or even years ago... And you can't let it go. So you lay in wait, hoping for the opportunity to just get revenge. But I ask you what good is this doing? How is this going to better your life in the long run? I hope you thought about what was going to happen after all is said and done. Because I can tell you... its not going to be as sweet as you though it would be. Now that you feel things are even, what do you expect to happen? How did you think this was going to play out?

So now you're even, standing the victorious winner in a circle of one... Hope you're happy...