This letter has been bothering me since I decided to do these 30 letter but I'm going to stick to my guns and write this open letter to you.
Dear ??? (Not putting myself out there like that)
What happened to us? I know its been a while since we've spoken but it took me a long time to get over the hurt. I'm able to move on and learn from it but the truth is I still love you. We had so many good times, and the dynamics between us seemed to be a perfect match. When I was with you the possibility of breaking up never crossed my mind. I thought we would make it through and conquer this world together. Once I met you I didn't think I would have to bare the burdens of this world alone.
You were my lover and my best friend. I could tell you anything, but something went wrong. You left, and skipped out on me. I was so bitter and angry I turned into the Angry Black Bitch so many people talk about. I just couldn't believe after all that we went through you could walk away. I felt if I helped you to accomplish your dreams, once you got there I would be right by your side. I also thought you would in turn help me accomplish mine. After all that's what people in love do... Isn't it? Maybe I had it wrong or read too much into it... But how could that be? We were together for years. Even with all of the anger that passed between us I was willing to give our love another opportunity to grow and flourish... Then you in your anger decided the best way to get over me was to express to the world that you despised me. Why would you do that to me? Of all people, I've never spoken an ill word about you. I defended you to everyone, family, friends, co-workers and anyone else who would and sometimes wouldn't listen. I loved you in every sense of the word.
In truth I got through it... the hurt, the pain and yes I have moved on. I have a beautiful son now who is my ray of sunshine. My blessing from God. I'm doing what I love and having fun. No I don't have a special someone in my life right now, but I know all good things come from God. In time the man for me will arrive. I'm in no rush to be in another relationship, but this dating things has gotten to be kind of fun. I've done something I didn't think I would be able to do again. I've opened myself up for love. I finally realized you didn't take everything I have to offer, you only took a piece of me. You can have it, treasure it... because I don't want it back. I realize that hole that was in my heart had to be filled with a love of self. Yes I have once again found me and damn it I'm the SHIT. Okay so that was a little self centered but its true. I almost forgot how beautiful I could be, I almost forgot that I have so much love to give. I almost kept it to myself, but that's not fair. I need to love and let someone love me.
I just needed to get this off of my chest, but more so I wanted to thank you. For being the man for me at that time in my life. I want to thank you for all the life lessons you taught me during and after our relationship. I know that when I get married (Can you believe I want to get married) I will make someone a great wife. I'm a strong woman who is independent yes... but I'm willing to be a helpmate. This is what I was created to be. Strong enough to hold up my man when he needs it... but also soft enough to allow him to hold me.
Thanks for the lessons,
Tisiphani
Monday, July 12, 2010
30 letters, 30 days... Day 6- To a Stranger
Dear Stranger:
I've never met you but because of the love of Christ I still love you. That's the reason when I pass you on the street I say hello, and ask you about your day. I smile and pray your day is going well. No I'm not just some random crazy off the street but if you are I still love you. If you need something just ask. If its in my power to give I will do so.
But I have always wanted to know: What has happened that has caused you to be so angry? What burden has this world placed on your shoulder that you can't raise your head up and put a smile on your face? What has you so disgruntled that you must tote a gun and not care who's life you take? I know this may not be my business but I've seen too many of God's beautiful creations taken out by gun fire, too many precious little children hit by stray bullets never allowed to reach their full potential. Too many creative genius minds taken out of this world before they can give their true message and its not fair. So I ask... What will it take to make you change your ways? What must I do to convince you that this is not the way? What must I do to help you realize that by killing those around you... you're only killing yourself? How can I help you to see that there is a better way? Maybe I have too many questions and you don't have all the answers but know this I'm praying for you. Yes you! I don't need to know you're name, because you're still a child of God's. He knows who I'm talking about. I just pray that one day you'll join me and fall on your knees and ask our God in heaven to help you change your ways. Before the violence of this world takes you too.
Yes I love you,
Tisiphani
I've never met you but because of the love of Christ I still love you. That's the reason when I pass you on the street I say hello, and ask you about your day. I smile and pray your day is going well. No I'm not just some random crazy off the street but if you are I still love you. If you need something just ask. If its in my power to give I will do so.
But I have always wanted to know: What has happened that has caused you to be so angry? What burden has this world placed on your shoulder that you can't raise your head up and put a smile on your face? What has you so disgruntled that you must tote a gun and not care who's life you take? I know this may not be my business but I've seen too many of God's beautiful creations taken out by gun fire, too many precious little children hit by stray bullets never allowed to reach their full potential. Too many creative genius minds taken out of this world before they can give their true message and its not fair. So I ask... What will it take to make you change your ways? What must I do to convince you that this is not the way? What must I do to help you realize that by killing those around you... you're only killing yourself? How can I help you to see that there is a better way? Maybe I have too many questions and you don't have all the answers but know this I'm praying for you. Yes you! I don't need to know you're name, because you're still a child of God's. He knows who I'm talking about. I just pray that one day you'll join me and fall on your knees and ask our God in heaven to help you change your ways. Before the violence of this world takes you too.
Yes I love you,
Tisiphani
30 letters, 30 days... Day 5- To my DREAMS
To my dreams:
I've put you on hold and left you alone on the back burner. Waiting on the day I can bring you out and show you off. Don't worry I haven't forgotten about you, its just that life sort of got in the way. I had to worry about bills and baby's well being, but I haven't forgotten about you. I'm actually preparing a place for you right out front. I'm laying the ground work for you to be seen by more than just me.
My dance studio is coming. I know its been a long time since I've talked about it, and my injury really put things on hold. Forcing me to push my soft opening of my small Brown Deer space to next Spring (Lord Willing). This is my biggest dream and I'm not giving up, ever. Dance is my passion its what gets me through the good and bad times. Teaching others is where I get my high... sharing this gift with others is how I testify. Maybe that's an odd way to say how much I love to share my gift... But if you don't use it you'll lose it.
My dreams aren't just for sleep... and I'm willing to share.
Tisiphani
I've put you on hold and left you alone on the back burner. Waiting on the day I can bring you out and show you off. Don't worry I haven't forgotten about you, its just that life sort of got in the way. I had to worry about bills and baby's well being, but I haven't forgotten about you. I'm actually preparing a place for you right out front. I'm laying the ground work for you to be seen by more than just me.
My dance studio is coming. I know its been a long time since I've talked about it, and my injury really put things on hold. Forcing me to push my soft opening of my small Brown Deer space to next Spring (Lord Willing). This is my biggest dream and I'm not giving up, ever. Dance is my passion its what gets me through the good and bad times. Teaching others is where I get my high... sharing this gift with others is how I testify. Maybe that's an odd way to say how much I love to share my gift... But if you don't use it you'll lose it.
My dreams aren't just for sleep... and I'm willing to share.
Tisiphani
30 letters, 30 days... Day 4_ To my brother & sisters... ALL OF THEM
My brothers:
I love you both so much. When we were young it seemed as though I was so much older than you both. 4/5 years seems like so much until everyone is over the age of 21. Now its all about love and respect.
My big/lil bro:
So many people wonder why I call you that but if they saw us standing next to one another they would understand. I just want to let you know how proud I am of you. You are a beautiful son, brother, husband and father. You have been through so much and kept the faith the entire time... This is another reason I look up to you. Not just because you're taller than me...
My baby bro... Boopie:
Yeah I don't care how grown you get you're still my Boopie. We fight so much, but I know its only because we're both so strong willed. Out of all our siblings we may be the most alike. You tell anyone that and I will deny I said it. Seriously we fight so hard but its all in love. You may have baby boy syndrome but I love you anyway.
My other bro:
What can I say -- I don't know you at all. Its not our fault though, Papa was a rolling stone. My only hope is that one day we can at least meet one another. All I know about you is your name.
My Big sister:
I really don't know what the hell I ever did to you. You never liked or accepted me as your sister, but guess what I FORGIVE YOU. I haven't spoken to you in 15 years, and that was my choice. Not my mom's and not OUR dad's... MINE. I just didn't like putting myself out there trying to be the perfect baby sister, and have you belittle me and treat me like some sort of step child. I wasn't the step kid... YOU WERE, but I never treated you that way. I won't go into everything... but I just need to know I FORGIVE YOU.
My other sister:
Our paths cross every once in a while, and I still love you. I hope that as we grow as women we'll develop a closer relationship. I know I act like I don't care one way or another but I love and miss you too. Our kids are getting older and I think its time for a playdate... What do you think?
Love your sister,
Tisiphani
I love you both so much. When we were young it seemed as though I was so much older than you both. 4/5 years seems like so much until everyone is over the age of 21. Now its all about love and respect.
My big/lil bro:
So many people wonder why I call you that but if they saw us standing next to one another they would understand. I just want to let you know how proud I am of you. You are a beautiful son, brother, husband and father. You have been through so much and kept the faith the entire time... This is another reason I look up to you. Not just because you're taller than me...
My baby bro... Boopie:
Yeah I don't care how grown you get you're still my Boopie. We fight so much, but I know its only because we're both so strong willed. Out of all our siblings we may be the most alike. You tell anyone that and I will deny I said it. Seriously we fight so hard but its all in love. You may have baby boy syndrome but I love you anyway.
My other bro:
What can I say -- I don't know you at all. Its not our fault though, Papa was a rolling stone. My only hope is that one day we can at least meet one another. All I know about you is your name.
My Big sister:
I really don't know what the hell I ever did to you. You never liked or accepted me as your sister, but guess what I FORGIVE YOU. I haven't spoken to you in 15 years, and that was my choice. Not my mom's and not OUR dad's... MINE. I just didn't like putting myself out there trying to be the perfect baby sister, and have you belittle me and treat me like some sort of step child. I wasn't the step kid... YOU WERE, but I never treated you that way. I won't go into everything... but I just need to know I FORGIVE YOU.
My other sister:
Our paths cross every once in a while, and I still love you. I hope that as we grow as women we'll develop a closer relationship. I know I act like I don't care one way or another but I love and miss you too. Our kids are getting older and I think its time for a playdate... What do you think?
Love your sister,
Tisiphani
Thursday, July 8, 2010
30 Letters, 30 days... Day 3_ To my parents
Dear Parents:
I was trying to figure out how to write you guys together. Lord knows you're totally different people. I mean sometimes I wonder how you got together in the first place, then I realize it may have only been to create me and my brothers and for that I am thankful. You guys separated a while ago and I never told how upset I was... It really bothered me that my family was no longer together. I was crushed. There weren't very many people in my classes that had 2 parents in the home, but I was one of the lucky ones. I realized that.
At one point I was daddy's girl, his baby girl. Daddy you made sure I was safe, and happy. Don't get me wrong, you didn't have to be so hard all the time. I knew why you did it though, you wanted me to have more. Saw my potential even at a young age. Tisiphani... Is the name you gave me. I realized after looking it up, why it was so important for me to be called by the name one of the Erinyes. But dad I've always wanted to know... What happened? You not only left mom, but you left me? I was the baby girl. Your youngest daughter and you left me at the time I needed you most. I had just started dating and could have used my dad's guidance. Not just the passing advice you would give as you would call ever 3 months... But I needed my daddy. Even now... You live down the street and I barely see you. My son only knows you as "Pee-Paw... on the wall". That's not fair. I know you thought mom was telling us about you and what you were going through but, to be fair she never did. I only found out the truth about the past recently as an adult, and I still don't care. You're my dad and that will never change.
Mom I thank you for your strength and determination as a child. I really needed that. You struggled after daddy left, but hell I thought we were rich. Eating cereal for dinner was a fun treat for me... I didn't know it was all we had. Your love made me feel like I could go out and conquer the world. In fact it still does and I'm working on that conquering part. Mom I just wanted to tell you how as much as I appreciate what you did when I was young... it may be time for you to let go. I love how involved with your grandson you are, and how you just want to make sure I'm taken care of. But I need you to know, you raised a great lady... now let me be a woman. I will never disrespect you cause you are my MOTHER... but when I say no. That's what I mean. You taught me to mean what I say and say what I mean. That's what I am doing. I know I do somethings differently from you, engage in activities you avoid, and am all around more outgoing... Respect me for that. Allow me to be me, to make my own mistakes and get messy. I know you just want to protect me, but realize this... You raised me so well that I know in order to grow some mistakes... I JUST HAVE TO MAKE on my own, but guess what I will learn from them. Mom I'm a risk taker, and yes it has led me to getting hurt. But it won't stop me from taking more risks and trying harder.
Basically what I am saying guys is I love you BOTH. For who you are, and who I am... I honor my mother and father. I just need you to honor and except me too.
Love your daughter,
Tisiphani
I was trying to figure out how to write you guys together. Lord knows you're totally different people. I mean sometimes I wonder how you got together in the first place, then I realize it may have only been to create me and my brothers and for that I am thankful. You guys separated a while ago and I never told how upset I was... It really bothered me that my family was no longer together. I was crushed. There weren't very many people in my classes that had 2 parents in the home, but I was one of the lucky ones. I realized that.
At one point I was daddy's girl, his baby girl. Daddy you made sure I was safe, and happy. Don't get me wrong, you didn't have to be so hard all the time. I knew why you did it though, you wanted me to have more. Saw my potential even at a young age. Tisiphani... Is the name you gave me. I realized after looking it up, why it was so important for me to be called by the name one of the Erinyes. But dad I've always wanted to know... What happened? You not only left mom, but you left me? I was the baby girl. Your youngest daughter and you left me at the time I needed you most. I had just started dating and could have used my dad's guidance. Not just the passing advice you would give as you would call ever 3 months... But I needed my daddy. Even now... You live down the street and I barely see you. My son only knows you as "Pee-Paw... on the wall". That's not fair. I know you thought mom was telling us about you and what you were going through but, to be fair she never did. I only found out the truth about the past recently as an adult, and I still don't care. You're my dad and that will never change.
Mom I thank you for your strength and determination as a child. I really needed that. You struggled after daddy left, but hell I thought we were rich. Eating cereal for dinner was a fun treat for me... I didn't know it was all we had. Your love made me feel like I could go out and conquer the world. In fact it still does and I'm working on that conquering part. Mom I just wanted to tell you how as much as I appreciate what you did when I was young... it may be time for you to let go. I love how involved with your grandson you are, and how you just want to make sure I'm taken care of. But I need you to know, you raised a great lady... now let me be a woman. I will never disrespect you cause you are my MOTHER... but when I say no. That's what I mean. You taught me to mean what I say and say what I mean. That's what I am doing. I know I do somethings differently from you, engage in activities you avoid, and am all around more outgoing... Respect me for that. Allow me to be me, to make my own mistakes and get messy. I know you just want to protect me, but realize this... You raised me so well that I know in order to grow some mistakes... I JUST HAVE TO MAKE on my own, but guess what I will learn from them. Mom I'm a risk taker, and yes it has led me to getting hurt. But it won't stop me from taking more risks and trying harder.
Basically what I am saying guys is I love you BOTH. For who you are, and who I am... I honor my mother and father. I just need you to honor and except me too.
Love your daughter,
Tisiphani
30 Letters, 30 days... Day 2- To my crush
Dear Crush:
I have been wanting to speak up for a while now... But for some reason I just can't bring myself to take it that place. I see you so often and sometimes wonder if you're looking at me or just through me. I know I always see cool, calm, collected and professional when I do open my mouth, but its just an act. I actually go into auto pilot just so I don't have to think about what I am saying... Too afraid I may blurt out how beautiful you are... inside and out. How your giving back to the community inspires me to do more... How your hard work makes me proud... Tell you how bad I just want to press my lips against yours or spank you on the azz cause your butt is so damn cute. Truthfully, I find myself wondering what you're doing, or who you're dating. Not in a nosey sense, but more I just want her to be good to you. If she adored you 1/2 as much as I do, I know you'll have no problems.
Its funny that its so hard for me to approach you, I'm really not a shy person. Hell I'm a professional dancer for Christ's sake... but dancing in front of thousands is easy when compared to a passing glance from you. Seems like I know so much about you... But I don't think you know anything about me. If you took the time to really get past the surface, my representative... Who knows where this could go.
Crushing on you,
Tisiphani
I have been wanting to speak up for a while now... But for some reason I just can't bring myself to take it that place. I see you so often and sometimes wonder if you're looking at me or just through me. I know I always see cool, calm, collected and professional when I do open my mouth, but its just an act. I actually go into auto pilot just so I don't have to think about what I am saying... Too afraid I may blurt out how beautiful you are... inside and out. How your giving back to the community inspires me to do more... How your hard work makes me proud... Tell you how bad I just want to press my lips against yours or spank you on the azz cause your butt is so damn cute. Truthfully, I find myself wondering what you're doing, or who you're dating. Not in a nosey sense, but more I just want her to be good to you. If she adored you 1/2 as much as I do, I know you'll have no problems.
Its funny that its so hard for me to approach you, I'm really not a shy person. Hell I'm a professional dancer for Christ's sake... but dancing in front of thousands is easy when compared to a passing glance from you. Seems like I know so much about you... But I don't think you know anything about me. If you took the time to really get past the surface, my representative... Who knows where this could go.
Crushing on you,
Tisiphani
Monday, July 5, 2010
30 Letters in 30 Days... Day 1-My Best Friend
To My Best Friend:
This one is probably going to be the easiest letter I've ever written. Yes I do have several people I would consider to be really great friends... A couple I would even call my best friends. Still this letter goes out to the one friend who has never walked away during a bad situation, judged me, talked about me etc. Yes if you were looking for a juicy story this is not the letter you want to read.
I am talking about my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ, who died so that my sins may be forgiven. I have been through a lot in my life... and I do mean A LOT!!! So I have no choice but to believe there is someone who is looking out for me.
As the saying goes, God doesn't put more on you than you can bare... It makes me think, Lord you've made me into a really strong woman. For whom much is given much is expected... and I'm trying to give it all I've got. Its my life... I only get one, one chance, one shot to make it count. So Lord I'm really only writting you not to ask for anything, but to say thank you...
Thank you for dieing for my sins, thank you for your forgiveness and your blessings. Lord you have given so much, I thank you.
Amen
This one is probably going to be the easiest letter I've ever written. Yes I do have several people I would consider to be really great friends... A couple I would even call my best friends. Still this letter goes out to the one friend who has never walked away during a bad situation, judged me, talked about me etc. Yes if you were looking for a juicy story this is not the letter you want to read.
I am talking about my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ, who died so that my sins may be forgiven. I have been through a lot in my life... and I do mean A LOT!!! So I have no choice but to believe there is someone who is looking out for me.
As the saying goes, God doesn't put more on you than you can bare... It makes me think, Lord you've made me into a really strong woman. For whom much is given much is expected... and I'm trying to give it all I've got. Its my life... I only get one, one chance, one shot to make it count. So Lord I'm really only writting you not to ask for anything, but to say thank you...
Thank you for dieing for my sins, thank you for your forgiveness and your blessings. Lord you have given so much, I thank you.
Amen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
