30 Letters in 30 Days... Day 13- To someone I wish I could forgive

Person I wish I could forgive:



We were friends for a very long time. I still remember the day I met you. My mother and I decided to head down to the lake front. At that time the water was really dirty so no one actually got in, instead they just played on the beach. For some reason you spotted me... walk over and asked if I wanted to play volley ball. I reluctantly agreed, and when you saw how horrible I was you didn't even laugh. You just pulled me aside and showed me how to spike the ball. That was the beginning of our friendship... and just the beginning of my troubles.



Maybe I should have realized then just how charming you were, or told myself that a man shouldn't be paying this much attention to a young girl. Still I was enjoying the attention. I had never really had a boy let alone a man pay me much attention. Usually when it comes to playing sports I'm never picked, and tend to only watch from the sidelines. I was a disaster so people wouldn't even waste their time trying to teach me anything. So when you came along I was immediately taken.



From then on you kept in touch with me, making sure to closely follow my parents rules, bringing me home on time, not staying on the phone too late and always being polite when you would come over. I was 12 and you were 17. Truth be told you looked a lot younger so its no surprise you fooled my parents. For the next few months you played the role of a perfect friend. Coming around to share a game of Nintendo, playing softball at the park and even taking in a few of my dance recitals.



Then my life changed forever... You told my mom you got your license and would drive me home... She trusted you and so did I. Instead of going straight home we stopped by Kits a local ice cream parlor, then headed home... or so I thought. You drove right past my block to a dark alley. Reached over and kissed me. I thought I was in heaven, it was my first kiss. Then you grabbed my shirt and ripped it off my just developing body... I was confused and terrified. I screamed for you to stop only to be met by your fist in my face. You hit me... I didn't know what to do so I cried... I just cried. The next 20 or so minutes seemed like a lifetime. My virginity was stolen. I thought my parents would hate me, God would punish me and my life would never be the same. I was right about one thing my life was never the same after that.



I kept quiet for so long, my parents were asking why you never came over anymore. I met their inquiries with anger lashing out destroying anything I could get my hands on. My parents had no idea what was going on, I quit dancing because it made me think of that night. I turned from everything I knew that reminded me of that night and of you. Then the scariest day of my life... I saw you again. I came home from school and you were in the living room with my mother telling her you missed me and couldn't wait to see me. I lost it, hitting you with everything I could pick up and screaming about that night all at the same time. My mother realized what happened and call the police. You were arrested, but since I didn't report it earlier, they let you go. Out of jail on lack of evidence. They needed physical evidence to put you in jail. The fact that my innocence had been stolen meant nothing to the law.



I only want to say I will never forgive you... I hate you and everything you are. God have mercy on my soul for the anger in my heart. Truthfully I hope you go straight to hell with gasoline drawers, smoking a cigarette and holding a gas powered lantern.



Fcuk you in the azz with no lube...

Tisiphani

PS... This story is totally false. I couldn't come up with a situation or person that I just can't forgive. So I thought about a situation where I knew forgiveness would be damn near impossible... rape. Rape is a very serious situation, if you have been assaulted you are not alone there is help out there. Don't be ashamed of what happened tell someone immediately. Go to the hospital, there are no judgements only people who want to help you.

Rainn National Rape Crisis Hot line: 800-656-4673

National Youth Crisis Hot line: 800-442-HOPE

These folks will direct you to counselors in your area.