30 letters, 30 days... Day 11-- To a deceased person-Lorenzo G. Stewart, Jr. RIP

Lord please don't let me cry on this one...

Dear Lorenzo:
The man who taught me that love endures all. The day I found out you died had to be the worst day of my life to date. I still remember telling my mother you hadn't called to let me know you arrived in Tennessee. I got up and called your phone but no answer, so I called your sister. "Happy Christmas Eve. Where is that brother of yours? He hasn't called me today and that's not like him..." What she said next made my heart stop and my knees buckle. "Tisiphani I meant to call you sooner but I didn't know how. Lorenzo never made it... There was an accident." I don't remember exactly what happened after that... Just my brother lifting me up off the ground, screaming at me to tell him what was wrong.... I couldn't talk, couldn't understand, couldn't believe that you were GONE.
It couldn't be... after 8 years we'd finally gotten our act together, and decided that we would be together from now on. We were supposed to spend Christmas with our parents and New Years together... But the New Year never came. Not for me... not that year. I'd lost you, God took you from me and I was so angry. I think I was more upset because I fell asleep and missed that final phone call from you, the one where you said you're almost there and would call as soon as you arrived. The last message you ever left me said... "I love you."

It took a long time for me to accept that you were gone. Your family helped though. When I arrived for your funeral they showered me with love. Accepted me as family and wiped away my tears, even though they were hurting too. I didn't even want to go back to school but mom said Lorenzo wouldn't want you to sit here crying your life away. He didn't make it, but you did. So now you need to live. I buckled down in school and became a true book worm. Changed my major and excelled in everything. I actually made the dean's list for the rest of my time in college. Partly because I just needed to keep busy and focus on something other than the fact that I lost the love I thought would be with me forever.

I've been in relationships since you've passed. Even found myself in love. Yet the best thing that has happened to me is I'm a mommy now. Remember you told me I would be a great mom... I think I'm doing pretty good. I still have yet to find the man to spend the rest of my life with. But I'm open to the possibility. For years after you died I swore I wouldn't fall for another man... I couldn't get married if my name wasn't going to be Mrs. Lorenzo G. Stewart, Jr. For some reason God decided to continue blessing me through my anger, and showed me that love doesn't die. That it was okay to still love you, remember you as long as I lived the life He gave me. So that's what I do... I live life to the fullest. I may do somethings that others look at as a little crazy, but life can be sooo short.

I wanted to let you know I'm alright now. Blessed and in a good place. I know that your in a better place, and as happy as we could have been together it doesn't even compare to how happy you are now. I know that all our time together wasn't the happiest, but those are the times I choose to remember. Every once in a while I still go through your letters... But I no longer cry looking at them. I smile and remember the love.

RIP My love,

Tisiphani